Do You Dream Of Me?
by siunove
Summary: this is a fanfiction of thor and loki and their relationship. what happens, when rulers of nine realms find out that loki is a frost giant? what happens when loki loses control over his jotun side? events take place after avengers and before Thor the dark world. last thing; i strongly recommend that you listen to soundtracks of each chapter(links will be posted at the begining).
1. do you dream of me?

Chapter one; do you dream of me?

excuse me if some words are not spelled correctly or something is not quite understandable. i'm not native english speaker and this is my first ever fanfiction. i would appreciate your comments and reviews :) i will go on adding more chapters if you like this one :) enjoy

this story has it's own soundtracks, first chapter's soundtrack is ,,do you dream of me'' by Tiamat. you can fint it here watch?v=0vCIOfjURHM i strongly recommend listening to it while reading this chapter.

(thor's pov)

Loki was sitting alone on the balcony of asgard's palace's highest tower, with a book in his hands, watching the stars shining over the rainbow bridge. Thor could see his slender figure in the pale evening light. He made few steps forward, standing right beside his brothers' back, but had nothing to say. He seemed so distant now. One of his hands was set on the table beside his armchair. long fingers, as if they were transparent at all and thor could see blue jotun's blood running trough his veins, beneath white skin.

Loki had his eyes closed, he looked really tired, wasted. He was just sitting there as if he didn't he his brother approaching, but thor was sure – he did – there were not many people that could sneak up on him, if there were any at all. Somehow he felt how he missed looking in his eyes, as if they were children again. Memories flooded his head

_This happened when they were around 14, or, rather loki was 14. They were training with swords, as usually, but this time it was different – thor himself insisted on using real swords instead. he has always been stronger then loki, but was never able to defeat him in a battle. All those tactics of his, illusions created around thor and real loki slipping away from his hands, it all always made him freak out. So that time, he was not careful and hit loki's arm with a sword and loki fell. Thor would never forget that fear and shock he experienced in that moment when he saw his little brother lying on the ground, even more pale then ever, eyes closed and blood on his right arm. _

Thor shook his head to make these memories go away but loki sitting here in this armchair, late evening's blue light, with his eyes closed, remained him of that moment, but this is not true – he is not 14 years old and is not that fragile, through he's a better lair now then he ever was and seemed a stranger.

_Thor fell on his knees besides his little brother, listening to his heart beating and to feel him breathing. Thor removed his black hear from loki's face and hurted arm, which seem to bleed seconds ago. Thor was astonished – blood and sick color of his skin was now gone and loki has a little smile with the corner of his thin lips. Thor felt relaxed at a moment but then he realised he was fooled again by his little brother and grab loki's arms with his hands and shook him hardly; ,,how could you.. I thought.. oh loki, how selfish you are, how careless of other's feelings.. how.. '' – he could not just describe how much rage towards loki he had inside, he wanted to kill him ,tear him apart, make him feel a bit of pain he experienced when he thought he was dead. _

_Loki raised his brows and looked at thor in a strange way, and thor realised he was crouched all over loki now, preventing him from getting up. Loki was all strenuous, his neck was stretched and he raised his head from the ground. They were looking in each others' eyes. Thor felt hipnotised by those emeral eyes and could not look away. _How he wished he could drift in that mesmerising sea of feels now and say the words never uttered before. He moved his hand slowly to touch loki, but he couldn't; it seemed as if he was nothing more then an illusion, one of lots of images he'd created before and a simple touch would make him disappear.

Loki opened his eyes and looked up to thor, whose hand froze in the air in the exact same moment; he blushed, as if touching his brother's arm was a terrible crime. ,,what is it, thor?''

,,i.. I was looking for you''

,,and you have found me. So what is it you wanted to say?'' repeated loki and gave his brother one of those look which made Thor, god of thunder, feel hopelessly trapped. Thor could not say a word. There were thousand questions he would like to ask, thousand things he wanted to share, not none of them were good enough to express what he was feeling right now.

,,you feel bad?'' he asked at last.

..no of course, I;m fine. What is wrong with sitting on a balcony at calm autumn evening, reading a book?''

,,what are you reading?'' thor asked, just in order to keep conversation. How long has it been since he needed a push to keep conversations on? What happened between them? Since loki returned from midgard he always seemed like he was hiding terrible pain beneath his natural calm look and it made thor feel helpless and weak. This break through them was nothing to be seen, he could not just fight it, it was killing him.

,,poems'' loki answered. ,,I bought this book from midgard, I doubt you ever heard of them''

,,could you read one for me?'' thor asked, but had no power to get his thoughts off of his head, ,, _How I wish that I coul d__Break into your dreams_ '' he thought ,, _Do I have the force I need__ To break into your dreams?_'' he was listening to soft melting voice, reading, but could not even prosses his words. ,,_ I'd hold you in my arms__, __I'd whisper in your ear__ those things I would never say''_

"Do you dream of me?" loki said and looked up at thor. He thought brother could really read his mind, before he look down in the book in his hands.

_,,__ How I wish that I could__  
Break into your dreams_

_I'd whisper in your ear  
"Do you dream of me?"_

Coming next

Chapter two in mischief you trust (loki pov)


	2. in mischief you trust

**Chapter two in mischief you trust (loki pov)**

**soundtrack ,,to die for'' by scream silence**

watch?v=YFhOvL_3oYg&feature=share&list=PLP-1MpNykM8P1vjWzfg49FqMBw2ALUXgh&index=1

Loki was alone in his chamber. Laying on his bad, with his hands under his head, looking up to ceiling. Sky and the stars were painted there, in deep blue color, which seemed almost black. With a help of little magic, he made painted stars shine. It felt like the roof has dissapeared at all now. But of course, it was there. Just a little mischief. Loki smiled at that thought, ,,a little mischief?'' he was a walking mischief himself, but the worst thing was that he could do nothing to get over it.

he'd rather be dead now. Not only that he betrayed everyone, he did that even to himself; he let himself show the weakness, wander aimlessly, read pathetic books, sit alone over days, not talking to anyone. ,,what is wrong with me?'' he asked himself.

The question was useless. He already knew. He took and opened same midgardian book at random page.

_,,I was born to die falling (1.35 in the song)__  
We are together  
For always and ever I hold you  
In my arms  
A ray of the sun  
It strokes your face  
Now peaceful forever  
To melt together you hold on me  
Is there something more''_

What was this, some kind of magic? How this book possibly have all the answers? Does those puny midgardians always feel this way? And he was now like them. He hated himself so much for that.

There was a knock on the door. Loki knew who was it.

Thor entered the room and sat at the end of a large bed. ,,why are you still awake, little brother?'' he asked with a kind smile on his face.

..i am not your ,,little brother'' loki answered in an angry voice. ,,why would you even care?''

Thor looked confused. ,,because I care about you, loki. I always did. The fact that you are not aesir changes nothing. I'm still your brother and you know that, even if you won't admit.''

Loki felt like something broke inside him. Yes, that was his answer. ,,still brothers'' that was meant to be good, to make him feel he was cared about, loved, but it wasn't what he wanted to hear, he knew it already. ,,no, we are not brothers, we will never be, I don't want to be your brother, oh for the god's sake, leave that childish things behind, we both know well what you won't dare to tell me when you spy on me, follow me anywhere I go, standing silently behind me. Oh, thor, you are such a fool.'' He stood up and reach thor's hand, but his fingers passed through reflection. Thor was there, smiling kindly at him but still far away. Loki turned his back upon him. ,,thor'' put his hand upon loki's arm. He couldn't feel the touch of course, but he saw in through his mind's eye. Loki hide his face in his hands ,,go away'' he said to ,,thor''

There was no need of saying that; there was nobody in his room and could never be. He shook his head and stared at frigga's face, watching at him with sorrow in his eyes ,,loki'' loki felt ashamed, wanted to run away. ,,loki, you know I love you, but I can't support that. You know, I can't. family is above all. He is your brother and you are his. You will always be linked, even now, that you know you are not related by blood.'' Frigga's eyes were full of tears. ,, Leave that madness behind, reunite with your family. You are my son loki, and we are your family. This is your life. I trust you.''

Frigga dissapeared. Loki stood up, walking towards the window, looked down at the city. No, she was terribly wrong, they all were to assume anything good would come of him.

,,in mischief you trust'' he said aloud.

Coming next;

Chapter three illusion (thor pov)


	3. illusion

**Chapter three illusion (thor pov) soundtrack**

**this chapter's soundtrack is ,,trial of loki'' from thor the dark world. (i know, not too original)**

** watch?v=4pWvVRux5b4&feature=share&list=PLP-1MpNykM8OQmW2BiHpwP2KLEPY91l4l&index=16 **

Thor was in throne room, standing right to odin's side. Frigga, who looked worried, stood right across him, at all-father's left side. Councils from all the seven realms kept coming with gifts to state their friendship to asgard and their loyalty to all-father himself.

Odin seemed worried as well. ,,where is your brother, thor?'' he whispered to his son when vanaheim's delegation left and they stay alone for several minutes. Loud sound of people clapping and singing made some privacy possible. ,,I don't know'' thor answered ,,haven't seen him since'' he pressede his memory to remember if had he ever seen loki after that evening, which was 5 days ago. No, he hadn't. odin's demanding look tear him away from those thoughts ,,haven't seem him for a while'' he was not sure he wanted to clearify how long this ,,while'' was. Odin looked at frigga. Frigga seemed worried too ,,I've not seen him for several days, as well''

Thor felt anger and guit at the same time. So it seems, loki hasn't been around for at last 4 days and nodoby noticed it before he was ,,needed'' for a public ceremony. Frigga called one of the servants and sent him for loki. ,,you're brother has become even more irresponsible then he ever was before'' he hissed in a low voice and turned to greet with a smile to Alfheim's delegation. ,, the ceremony will be over in less then 10 minutes and he didn't show up. Isn't he aware that his status as a prince of asgard is at stake after those stupid things he'd done with jotunheim and midgard?''

Frigga shooked her head nervously. She knew, loki could be blamed of much things, but not irresposibility. He was always fond of those rituals and his pleace at her side. Something should be wrong. She wished she could just leave everything and go find him, but she was queen at her place was by king's side.

Thor noticed the servant coming back. He stood neraby silently. Odin got greetings from guests and it was time for a feast to start. The three of them left the throne room and got to feast hall, valhallah. Odin sat in the top of the table. Frigga next to him and thor at right side to odin. He felt so uncomfortable looking the empty chair opposite to him. loki should be sitting there. Where is he?

,,so, where is my son?'' odin looked at the servant who was all trembling.

,,all-father, he refused to come.''

Odin stared at him with a look that could shake the ground beside his feet. ,,,go to him now and tell him that it is my ORDER that he should join the feast'' ,,and my wish, as well'' frigga added with a kind smile.

Several minutes passed while the guests were escorted to their places. Odin waited a bit and the give a sigh for a feast to start. At the exact moment, the door opened and loki came in. outburst of anger run through thor's veins when he saw people looking towards loki and whispering.

Loki took his place next to frigga's and smiled to her. He didn't pay attention to odin and thor at all. Thor looked away as well, but when he actually dared to look at his brother, he realised something was wrong with him. thor couldn't say exactly what, but that weird feeling that loki was in trouble made him look at his brother twice. And he noticed something; loki's hands were not that pale as they always used to – little blue spots were on them and they kept changing place and size. Thor stared at loki astonished. Was he playing some kind of joke on the guests? Had he gone mad? He knew well, his brother had a good control over his jotun side and he would never show it despite he wanted to do so, but why would play that trick now? Thor was searching for loki's look and when loki at least lift his head, thor saw something in his eyes he;d never seen before; not even when his army was devastated and he was taken as a SHIELD prisoner, not when he let go and felt from the bifrost, never – it was fear and thor realised that loki had lost control over himself, no matter how hard loki tried to concentrate, stains onhis skin grew bigger and even reached half of his face. One of his eyes was still green but the other grew bright red. Loki stood up so quiqly that his chair felt on the floor. Some of the guests turned their head toward him. thor closed his eyes; the thunder was coming and for the first time in his whole life, he was afraid of it.

Silence felt in the hall. The illusion of a feast disappeared.

coming next;

**Chapter four snow and sorrow **


	4. snow and sorrow

intro; at first, i should say two more characters are coming to the story, their names are **Helblindi and Býleistr. **If you have no idea who they are, i recommend to google it. secondly,** soundtrack for this chapter is ,,dead inside'' by skillet. **enjoy :)

**chapter 4 ,,snow and sorrow'' (mixed pov)**

the palace was drawn in a dead silence. random people walking through the corridors whispering in the dark corners of the rooms.  
the throne room was quiet and odin sitting on the throne. he was waiting for the news.  
the door opened and frigga came in. she seemed restless, and as it always is after long sleepless nights, with black spots under her shining eyes. Thor followed her.  
odin felt guilt while looking at her: she was a mother to his sons and was doing her job as a queen with the same talent. how is she always doing things right? _ he asked himself. of course he could not answer not for several thousand years, not now. he would probably never be able to get an answer. maybe his only eye was destined to serve him as a king but not as father.  
- how is he? - odin asked.  
- same. - frigga's eyes were full of tears. - what are you going to do?  
odin knew the answer was not going to be sufficient for her.

- All-father! – there said frigga with a trembling voice – I've heard you had a council with jotunheim's delegate. Is that true? – odin nodded. - What did they say?

- This is really complicated matter, frigga. Býleistr himself was sent for an audience. Helblindi and all other rulers demand the truth from us – frigga gave him a stare – don't worry, nobody has a right to demand anything from Asgard and the all-father. Setting things up in asgard are rather difficult. People are not just going to forget. Rumors are spreading around.

- What does Býleistr know, anyway – thor cut in. – all this is not concern of his – loki has no right to the throne anyway.

- Don't you understand how complicated things are right now, thor? It's not about loki not being a heir, it's about him not being an aesir! Býleistr was here, he saw everything with his own eyes and he is no fool. Why would our family adopt a jotun? He could have guessed loki's true parentage by now.

Thor's jaw dropped – so he thinks we were planning loki to be a ruler of jotunheim?

- Not to far from the truth – odin closed his eyes – I had a plan like that. But those plans no longer matter. Different things are at stake right now.

,,_the war may start… because of him_'' was thinking thor later, while sitting beside loki's bed in his chamber. He couldn't just believe it, while staring at loki, lying in his bed motionless. Blue spots kept appearing and disappearing on his skin. Thor felt sorry for his brother ,,_why does he have to bring chaos everywhere he goes? Is there no real home for him anyway_?'' several days have passed after that feast and his state was getting worse and worse. Healers had nothing to say – they were not able to cure jotun, if there was anything to cure at all – it was his true nature fighting him and it was winning. Thor could not just accept that. But after all those things, despite the probability of war, his brother was now so dear to him. ,,it was all laufey's fault, he left him to die and now loki has to bear responsibility for that? It is not fear.''

Loki opened his eyes. ,,brother?'' thor called him - ,,how are you? Can you talk to me?'' he was feeling his hands shivering.

Loki didn't answer – he shut his eyes as if he was thinking that it would make thor disappear. Thor hold his hand – he was cold. ,,what do you feel?'' loki stared at him and made several moves, to let him guess – he wanted thor to let go of his hand. He tried to concentrate – towards the ceiling, thor looked up too – it seemed that loki was trying to do something, it didn't work. ,,,his magic is not working'' thor guessed.

..how many days have passed?'' loki asked.

..3. you were.. well, you're looking way better now'' thor lied and he felt that loki smiled mentally. ,,thor, some of my skills may not be working properly, but I can still guess when you lie to me'' he said and closed his eyes again.

,,well, that means you have some of your power back'' thor answered. He felt irresistible desire to kiss him. It was him, closest person he ever had, nevertheless he looked different now, with sick color of the skin and one red eye. He remembered Helblindi's treats and felt defensive towards his little brother. ,,o I should have let him destroy jotunheim, those creatures have no heart, they all deserve to die'' in the exact same moment, loki's face turned blue again and thor felt ashamed. ,,he's one of them, no matter what I say, I can't change that.'' Crazy ideas came to him .. yes, I am gonna help loki win his throne back, rule, make those monsters suffer, if wants so. I will always stand by his side.'' he touched loki's chest with his hand, to feel his heart beating slowly, off the beat, then looked at his face again,

Blue spots started to disappear.

coming next;** Chapter five; hysteria **


	5. hysteria

**chapter 5 hysteria (loki pov)**

**soundtrack for it ,,bliss'' by MUSE**

**enjoy :)**

_- So what news did you bring to me?_ – Helblindi asked. Loki felt trapped. He took two steps backwards.

- _ Odin all-father refused to explain that event about his son, but I know some things for sure; he is one of us. Why would odin adopt a jotun?_ – Býleistr answered.

- _So you think he is the one we were looking for for so long?_

- _ He might be. Only thing I know, he's powerful magician, he is not aware about his true nature himself. He's still a child. Odin always used to hate us, I imagine how he treated his so called son._

Loki smiled mentally, now he was sure they couldn't see him. What they might possibly know about odin and his plans.

- _That is enough for now. What it is we are gonna do?_ – Býleistr lowered his voice.

- _What is it_? – helblindi shout at him – _you know well! We need him, you stayed whole 3 days in asgard and still didn't talk to him! You go back to odin now, speak whatever you want – threaten him, demand the truth, anything, just find loki and let him know we are searching for him, offer him help, make him stand on out side – tell him laufey was his father and odin killed him, make him feel a desire to avenge his father's death._

Loki couldn't help but smile about it. Avenge his father's death? Silly jotuns still are not aware of what he did. That might be good – it's he who should make them help – so they think odin killed laufey and tried to destroy jotunheim? Good indeed. Let them think so. Let them fight and avenge. He might get some use of it himself. Oh these avengers, avengers everywhere. And rage is all that drives them, pushes them forward. – suddenly he felt uncomfortable – it seemed to him that helblindi was looking straight at him. But that's not possible. I'm not even here.

- _ Loki?_ – helblindi whispered. Loki looked around hopelessly. Now he was trapped. And crap, my magic doesn't work properly, just the right time – he thought sarcastically.

- _Loki I know you are here. I know you can hear, so listen to what I say. Býleistr says odin killed laufey and turned the sword upon us. I've heard differently. I am sure it was you_ – loki felt his blood freezing through his veins. How is that possible. – _I know and I order you – stand on our side. Now step forward._

Loki walked towards helblindi's throne. This place – now he remembered it – not so long ago, he was standing beside the same throne, ensuring laufey to come to jotunheim and kill odin while he was drawn in odinsleep. Helblindi seemed like his's father's shadow then and loki – he was the ruler of asgard and what now? Beg something from him? Maybe even his own life is at stake?

- _Loki, listen. Nobody is going to hurt you, unless you decide to chose the losing side again. We need you, you don't know what you can do – we need you and the cascet – with your help we will return jotunheim to it's old glory_ – loki would definitly laugh at that quote if the situation wasn't that complicated. – _and we could rule over the other realms.. together?_ – helblindi gave loki his hand. Loki didn't shake it. –

- What do I have to do?

- _ At first – you should kill odin_ – oh if I only could, loki thought. If they only knew I can do nothing at all - my magic is all gone.

- And then?

- _ Then you should kill thor as well, so that asgard had no king and with our help, you'll be the rightful king._

Kill thor? Well odin – he could do it thousand times and enjoy it but – thor? He took control over his emotions. – and what if I … don't?

- _Well if you don't_ – helblindi smiled awkwardly –_ I will make all other realm's rulers know what you tried to do – to odin, to laufey, to midgard – believe me, they will show you no mercy. Go now and think wisely. games are over, you have a choice to make._

Loki turned around. Helblindi and Býleistr disappeared. He was stending at the edge of the cliff now. Show was falling and cold winds were stucking at his face. He took a look at his hands again. They were all blue. ,**_,don't chose the losing side'_**' – he heared the voice again.

The darkness was growing around him. ,,stop it'' – he shouted at them – he couldn't see them, but he knew – they were here.

,_,just kill him and it the fate will turn it's fate to you again''_ they answered ,,_you have two weeks._''

Then someone pushed him forward, he fell and the falling was endless. There was no ground to hit…

Loki woke up screaming. He was alone in his chamber as if nothing happened, but he knew- that was not just a nightmare – it was a warning and he had to answer.

He had to weeks.

He lied on his bad and stared the ceiling again.

The painted stars were shining again.

**coming next chapter 7 - wings of desire**


	6. wings of desire

**Chapter six – wings of desire**

**soundtrack for this chapter is ,,the wedding'' by Diary of Dreams**

**enjoy :)**

Loki approached thor, who was sitting beside the little lake. There are so many cozy places like this around the city – green grass, clean water, flowers and trees – and no people.

- Brother – loki sat down on the grass beside him. Thor smiled at him.

- Brother. I am so happy are feeling better – he sat his giant arm on loki's shoulder. – do those nightmares still bother you?

- They are no ordinary nightmares, thor – loki closed his eyes and put his face into his hands – I have a hard way ahead. That's why I came talking to you.

- What's rong? – thor asked. He seemed alarmed – it this the small incident with your skin again? Do other realms' rulers came with questions again? – loki shook his head in refusal. – what is it then?

- I don't belong here, thor. And you know it – thor was going to protest, but loki put his fingers at his lips – I have to make a journey, to find myself. And if I don't return..

- - loki – started thor again – where you intend to go I will go with you, we will always stand side by side, you remember that, don't you?

- I;m going to jotunheim, thor.

- What? – thor looked amazed –loki, what's left for you there? They are searching for you, they will kill you if they find out you're the heir to their throne.

- Shh,, thor, - loki pushed him and thor felt on the green grass – it seemed like a dream to him now – lokl's face was so close to his and he couldn't stand but remember that childhood scene when they were 14. – thor – loki whispered in his ear – he could feel his heart beating, - wherever I go, I want you to remember this

_You follow the path that you meant to avoid  
A matter of time till an echo unfolds  
what the next step might bring  
You take a look back while your heartbeat is raging  
to the song you sing_ – loki kept murmuring words in his ear and thor could no longer stand listening to it, he just grabbed him and pulled him closer. Their hearts were beating together – or it seemed to him so and under the bright sun of asgard, on the field free of people's stares, their lips found each other at last.

Thor couldn't remember clearly what happened next, – all he could recall was heat of his own trembling and loki's body on the ground, his eyes looking up at him, whispering his name. and there was pain and here was joy, joy of all those wrong things that shound not have been between brothers. Loki kept fighting, but they both knew - there was no use to fight it now – they've already gone to far to turn back. He could feel lokis nails skratching his back and taste of blood on his lips. Despite the guilt and the thoughts that is was not meant to be this way – in depths of their hearts, beating fast, off the beat, they knew – this is how it should be.

And later, when thor felt he could breath again, when he could relax and his vision was no longer blured, when he moved his head towards loki's face, intending to kiss him one last time, he felt terrible pain in his chest and he saw blood, his blood on lokis hands and he fall. He couldn't realise what happened until he saw loki holding a dagger in his pale hands. Loki kneeled before him -

I'm sorry, brother, I had no choice -  
_  
,,When I speak the words that you wish me to say  
When voices of sound come to life all around_

I could never say these words to you  
I could never doubt the way you do''

_Now, you may not see what it comes to, but you are gonna get it, later'' thor felt loki kissing his forehead, then things blured again and darkness came._

**_well :D you may got confused, but that was my intention :) don't worry, things will jsut get more complicated soon, i promise_**

**_coming next - chapter 7 - necropolis_**


	7. necropolis

**so, i am trying to bring lots of northern mythology details to my fanfic and things are just getting interesting. soundtrack for this chapter is ,,she and her darkness'' by diary of dreams. you can just imagine this song is called ,,he and hir darkness'' it's totally about loki.**

**and last thing i would like to say, i am really honored by all those visitors :) especially the one from thailand :) loki is really connecting people. i would really like all of you to write what you think about the fanfic in reviews :) **

**and i would also like to say thank you to my friend sofia, you are my inspiration ^_^**

**chapter 7 - necropolis **

**soundtrack for this chapter is ,,she and her darkness''**

Loki stayed there, with his head set on thor's chest, listening to his brother's heart beating, going slower, since it stopped beating at all. He knew there was nothing left for him now here, in asgard – the only person he loved was gone already and he kept assuring himself he had to leave, but he just wanted this moment to last forever. He could feel blood on his hands and face.

_Let me say thank you for all that you have given me._

_Thank you for everything you've done._  
_Forgive me for saying one last thing:_  
_I miss you and I hope you hear this song! - he whispered and stood up. he knew thor could not hear that. _It is better this way. and now, he had a long way ahead, journey to jotunheim. His way was dark and cold, so was his future – the thunder was coming and he had to face it all alone.

- _We are not gods – loki remember odin saying that, when thor and him were still kids._

- _So what happens after we die, father? – thor asked curious, loki smiled when he recalled brother's face – childish and anxious, like death was like another adventure for him, simple task to deal with._

- _Death is not the end, my son – odin answered – it's just another voyage to the realm of the dead, a realm, Helgafjell. It's a dark place, it is located in a huge mountain, across the seas._

- _Do the people return from here, father? – loki asked._

- _No, loki, they don't._

- _But what about gods? Do they return? Baldr will return, won't he? – thor wondered._

- _Yes, he will, but not until the doomsday of gods – the ragnarok. It's his destiny to bring new order to the world after all gods die._

- _All of them? Will we die at ragnarok as well, father? _

- _Yes, thor. We all will. But nobody knows when it will come, so you don't have to worry about that, my son – oding sat his hand upon his son's shoulder – until then, it's your destiny to rule asgard for many, many decades and at ragnarok, you are gonna defeat a giant –odin looked at loki , who was craving for his attention, in a strange way suddenly – you are gonna defeat a giant monster._

- _Of course I will – thor said in a proud voice – you will do the same, won't you, father?_

- _Yes my son. I will be fighting by your side with another monster._

- _And what about loki? – thor asked and looked at his brother – he will be there with us, won't he?_

Loki felt betrayed when he remembered how odin looed at him then. Of course he knew about his destiny to lead fire giants to asgard and his heirs' fate to fight with his brother and father. That was why Ragnarok was forbidden thing to talk about all the time. No matter how he tired, even the palace library was not able give him the information he needed about that. Of course, it is so simple – odin didn't want him to know. Maybe he adopted him hoping he could change those events, in future? But why not just let him die there? It seemed to loki as the better way.

Why? Why take him? He needed that knowledge badly. Why make a demon who is destined to destroy asgard the prince of asgard? He needed answers. Odin was not the one he could turn to.

- You think I am the destroyer, all –father? – loki thought – yes, you are right – I am and at first, it's your plan I will destroy – no your favorite son thor is gone, who will you turn to help you? You will not win the ragnarok without him and there will be no new dawn to human race if's you won't. you will turn to me, you will have no other choice.

Loki felt cold wind against his face and he knew was already here. jotunheim. There are too many ,,brothers'' for him to deal with. – I will make them kneel – one after another but yet I will have to fool them all – he smiled – it was what he could do at his best.

- Loki! – helblindi said. – so, here you are at last. What are the news you are bringing to me?

Loki looked at helblindi and smiled mischiviously.

- Thor is dead. I think it's enough for you to see – I chose the side to stand on.

**coming next - chapter 8 - the dark side**


	8. the dark side

**chapter 8 - the dark side**

**soundtrack - malice by diary of dreams**

-thor? – helblindi asked – why thor and not odin?

- you really think it is within my power now, brother, to kill the all-father without a cascet, without a power, which, by the way, you promised me to be given, without my own magic working properly? – loki asked with calm voice, but anger on his face was so clear, that it made a jotun giat stand back and chose another strategy, while loki kept talking. – you think of me as a fool? You wanted me to sacrifise myself to this task, so you could invade asgard and claim it as your heritage? I made a part I was able to made, now it is your turn to give me what was promised to me.

- calm down, loki – helblindi said – I am surprised to see how well you did with a task of murdering thor, son of odin, I thought is was going to be hard mission, through – loki felt nervous; hard? Did he mean anything but thor's possible strenght? Did he know anything? Was there any other game they were playing here, upon him? – listen to me carefully now. Thor is gone but it doesn't mean much – loki gave him an agnry gaze – yes, it means little as long as odin still lives. How will he explain all this? What actions is he going to take now – we don't know. The situation is complicated enough. I hope you to have a backup plan, as you always to, god of lies.

Loki nodded and smiled. Oh yes, I have backup plan and not one but several of them – dear sibiling, I've came to you in a search of promised power and when you give it to me, I will return to asgard and I will be welcomed there.

- Welcomed? As the murderer of a prince?

- Not at all – loki smirked – as the only heir left alive, returning back free.

- Free from what?

- From jotun king's prison. – the god of lies smiled mischiviously and looked up to the king.

Several days have passed since thor was discovered dead and the entire realm was in sorrow. Flags were down, no sounds of music could be heard anywhere, nobody was laughing or talking anymore. Odin and frigga were walking in one of the gardens of palace. They both wore black and seemed to aged several centuries within days. Sif approached them and bowed her head down in from of the royal couple.

- Sif, dear – frigga said to her with a loving voice – what is it?

- I just wanted to ask – sif paused, it was hard for her to speak uo – if any there are any news of.. some details of thor's death and if there could be anyone.. who has seen him around? – sif swallowed and tears began to shine in her eyes.

- No dear – frigga answered in a voice that was sad and broken – we have no news of any details about my firstborn's end as well as we know nothing of whereabouts of loki.

Sif remained silent, through words that were not uttered were tearing her apart. She knew it was him, him, the demon who murdered his own brother, he was always jealous that thor was attracted to sif and he could not bear when thor was not beside him. She almost decided to say that aloud, when the guard came and kneeled before odin.

- My king – he said – the delegation of jotunheim is here.

- Again? What about now? Do they still seek a council about my son's health?

- I know not, all-father. They said they want a private council with you and her grace – they say they have something to offer to you.

- So that is your plan? – helblindi laughed – you want to be offered to your own father as a prisoner?

- Yes. In change with a cascet.

- He will not accept that offer – helblindi narrowed his eyes at loki – sorry to disappoint you dear brother, you are not that precious to him.

- That I am aware of, I not plan to be held a prisoner, anyway. You just have to offer, so that they know, I am here.

- And what do I get from this offer? – helblindi insisted.

Loki rolled his eyes – need an explanation again? If they accept an offer – you will be given a cascet (_but you won't), _and what will hold me back to return to you again? And if they don't – they will know where I am anyway – and that will give me a legit reason to return to asgard when I escape from your prison – he smiled mischviusly again

- You – escape? Why the hel I would have to imprison you here?

- Have I not told you before that thor was killed in very complicated sircumstences, the event was hidden from heimdall's eyes even.

- And that means? Helblindi looked alarmed

- That, my dear sibiling means jotuns are involwed, as they are the only race able to hide themselves rom the watchers all-saying eye, to be spesific – royal ones are and as far as I have lost my magic, while being sick

- You lost your magic?

- Well, at last, that is exactly what they think – loki smiled widely – so the trail of murder comes to you anyway, dear sibiling, despite your desire. I've brought it to you already.

Helblindi rush up from his throne standing in front of loki just in a second – so I have to start a war because of you? I will just blame all on you instead, or kill you – he was a lot taller then loki, but the god of miscief seemed to be completely calm. – kill me? – he asked – ok, go on, but let me wonder how do you plan to avoid a war after you kill the last rightfull heir to the asgardian throne?

Helblindi staied silent. He turned his back upon loki, just realising he was tricked once again, but this time it was to late to stand aside.

- war then? – he said at last. - So be it.


	9. the deals and the games

**Chapter 9 the deals and the game**

**soundtrack - wrong by depeche mode**

- All father – began Býleistr – I am here to speak on behalf of my brother and our family. I want to inform you that your son, loki, is with us, in jotunheim.

Frigga's eyes went wide with amazement – loki? In jotunheim? What is he doing there?

- Well, I would like to say he is kind of guesting his real home by now, but our intentions with him mean no harm. We treat him as a prince – with respect. I am here give his words to you, that after his brother's death, he decided to leave asgard and never return back again. He is desprate of having home and getting known with his true nature at his real motherland.

- I don't believe that! – frigga shouted. All the people in the hole were just shocked – even odin – he didn't remember her wife raising her voice ever before, but frigga seemed to be out of herself totally. – I would like to speak to my son! I would like to hear him saying those words to me in face!

- Frigga, calm down, dear! – odin said in a gentle voice and turned to Býleistr after – and what is your offer ? what do you have to trade?

- As long as your elder son is dead, we would like to offer you joining our realms throug loki – he is halp aesir and halp jotun and could be a heir to both realms. We offer to wed him to our chosen one and make peace that will last centuries, as you wished after you adopted him, all father. We would like to thank you for being so kind to save our prince's life and treating him so well all these years, but now, loki has found his true home and it's up to him to decide – whether he returns here or not. He needs your answer about his heritage. After this question is settled, we could make offer as good as your royal family deserves that.

- And what if I say no ? what if I don't admit loki to be a jotun and don't give him my throne? – asked all father calmly. Silence fell. Býleistr smiled.

- It's up to master loki to decide that matter, I wouldn't dare to speak of that beforehand. – this was told in the way everyone could guess – if they will not kneel when they're asked nicely, he will make them by force.

Audience was over. The delegation left the throne room.

Býleistr returned to his home. All he could do now is wait – he knew the dangerous game he was playing – so he tried to avoid the god of mischief as far as he could, it seemed to him that lokis gaze followed hime verywhere, it seemed to him that loki already knew the role he was given in this comedy, without asking.

Several days passed before he was able to speak to his elder brother, to inform him that the deal was offered and now waiting is all they could do. ,,what if loki finds out'' – he said nervously to helblindi one evening, when they were walking in snow and wind roaring so hard they could barely hear each-other. ,,what is all this game for?''

- This sorcerer really thought he could play all those tricks upon me? – helblindi laughed – so that he could return to his beloved family after we reveal to him every secret of his true power? Did he truly thought he could be returned to asgard as a hero, blaming all on us, cleaning his bloody hands on out face? No , he won't fool me again. I will take care of myself he was holding his hands on a metal door now. – go now, Býleistr I will talk to loki. I have a joyful news for him – he's father just rejected to take him instead of the ice cascet. Now, let's do this game in his way!

Frigga stood silent beside odin's bed in his chambers. Odin was walking through the room in circles. He seemed to be thinking of many things at the same time.

- Now frigga, I am sure you know – don't believe this silly fairitale about loki's sudden outburst of love to his true family – he started talking at last – of course I don't, but I can't completely understand what is it they are trying to achieve. Suppose they killed thor – frigga's eyes fired in anger – suppose they took loki by force, but why do it? Is not this an act of war? And now, coming back for freedom is a silly, childish play. There's soemthing behind it – of course, they have all rights to think loki is our heir now – we baldr is dead, thor is dead and line falls to loki as the people still believe him to be our son, despite the rumors.

- But what comes of that, all-father? – frigga asked in a shaking voice – could loki really be threatning us? Could he really think he needed jotun help to claim what is already his by right?

- He could – odin nodded. – indeed he could, but what is this marrige thing to do with it? Could you imagine loki marring a jotun for a political reasons? He always detested them, he could never share his bed with one of them and in fact, he doesn't have to – he is laufey's son and heir by right without it. Someone is playing tricks on us. Helblindi? Loki? Borth of them? I need to think again before I decide the answer. Now, leave me, please. – frigga kissed his husband's forehead and left.

- Loki? – helblindi called his name while he stepped into his room, which was completely dark. – loki, are you here?

- Of course – soft voice answered and suddently, green light appeared in the room. It filled every corner and helblindi could now see loki sitting on his bed… reading a book?!

- What are you doing, fro the hel's sake? – he asked in shock.

- I am reading of course – loki answered in impatient tone – can't you see the book? Haven't you seen it before?

- But it's total darkness over here

- I don't need any light to read books, brother, as far as I don't need any words to read people – loki said in a strange voice that seemed to be warning? Maybe it was just a nice phrase? _,, I should be careful with him''_

- So, you'll be glad to hear that Býleistr has returned from asgard. – helblindi paused to check loki's reaction, but the god of lies only nodded – I was gled to see it a week ago. – he answered.

Helblindi tried to take over his anger – so he knew the councilior has returned and never mentioned it? Did he knew the news as well? But he couldn't, he shoudn't. – so, we gave an offer you considered wise to your father. He decided to think for a while, before gaving final answer – loki nodded again – he thought so – and besides, he gave us other advice. – loki look up and stared at his brother in silence – he offered that you stayed in jotunheim, as well he is not considering you as a heir of asgard's throne. We tried to ask him not to take your heritage from you, he answered he would think. I am sorry, loki, you plan seemed to be failed – nobody is going to welcome you in asgard, if you return there.

- Well we never know until we check – loki answered, his face was calm and his voice was soft – I am ready to take that risk. I am ready to leave your ,,prison'' and go back to asgard to get an ice cascet for you.

- And what if you fail? What if they catch you? Have you not heard me – you won't be welcomed there!

- When my father will gave a final word? – loki's mind was working fast; so they want me to stay here, they really intend on me as a prisoner, but what use I am to them, if odin refuses to take me back? What is the secret they're hiding from me? But those waves of thoughts did not affect his face. – but if you don't mind, I want to take a little journey here, in jotunheim – to get to know my new home better and talk to… - at last he decided not to mention the name – people I am going to rule.

- As you wish, loki – you are no prisoner of ours – said helblindi before he left his room.

as soon as he was alone now, loki rushed out of his bed and walked donw the stairs. There was no time to lose – if he didn't get away from them now, he felt, he would lose his freedom. That was no longer a play – it has gotten into much serious and there was nobody he could turn his back to – there was nobody he could trust – in entire nine realms.

He smiled at this thought. Maybe there was one who still could be trusted – looked far, far away- in deep dungeons of _Helgafjell._


	10. turning point

**_Chapter 10 - turning point_**

**soundtrack for this chapter is gallery of reality by Autumn**

Loki walked down the stairs and to the hall. There was no time to lose – if he didn't get away from them now, he felt, he would lose his freedom. ,,where should I go?'' he thought –returning to asgard was an option but he rejected that – no, he won't return there since no idea of what game helblindi played on him was visible to him. Of course they didn't tell odin about cascet – trickster was sure of it – if they did, they wouldn't really get a war they were not seeking and helblindi was sure of that as well. Damn, there was no light to see what that game was leading to.

Going to muspellheim was another choice. Talking to surtr, about ragnarok but there was a problem he once again had to face – lack of information he needed – just come to fire giant's door and ask him for a fairy tale about ragnarok? Sounded rather silly for the god of lies.

Midgard then? But for what? What do those puny creatures have to offer? Knowladge they don't have? Power, they should not get? The tesseract was not in SHIELD's hand any longer and nothing kept loki's attention there – human science is silly, they don't even travel between the worlds.

Stop now!

That was the thought that froze his blood. How could he not think of that before, not thinking of it. Oh what childish mistake he had made, was that going to spoil everything?

What he had never thought of, was heimdall. The watcher – now loki was hidden from him and he had been, since he went to see thor last time they meet. The memory of that day warmed up loki's heart, but at the same time made him hate himself – yes, if he was going to reject everything he had and start a new game, the most important thing he had, he should secrifise at the first place. Loki knew it too well but thor's eyes and face when he saw that dagger in his brother's hands. Loki shook his head to make the momeries go away. Right now he was standing in the middle of the corridor of jotun king's palace and had no idea where to go.

There was a problem – simple dillema – he had no clue how to travel to muspellheim if he decided to do so, he was hidden from heimdall's eyes and no longer had access to bifrost and the secret passages he knew about where going to lead them in three places – asgard, midgard and… he feared even for this name.. Svartalfheim, house of the dark elves. Of course he knew the way to thanos as well, but that;s not an option at all, better to asgard and admitting murder right in front of odin.

Loki couldn't make up his mind – visit surtr? He knew the passage to muspellheim from here but what if helblindi guessed something? If he closed the way back for him, loki would be doomed to stay there? Fire giants were hated even more then ice ones - they weer the ragnarok monsters, from fairy tales for children – masters of all realms closed every passage to muspellheim they could, but god of lies knew helblindi did no such thing – he needed fire giants by his side, if there was a real war between jotunheim and asgard, they could seek for no one else's help.

The sorcerer knew he was going to chose this way subcontiously – what other explanation was to his movement to secret passage all this way then? He only doubted helblindi left the passage unprotected.

And he was right. There were giants standing in front of the door to the passage. Now was the time to play a game. Loki approached them.

- I am loki of – he started his casual speech.

- We know who you are, odinson – one of the guards cut in – and you have no right to pass through this door. Return to the palace.

- How dare you – loki fired his eyes at the guard, hiding the fury – much time had gone since someone adressed him as ,,odinson'' – I am the prince of .. asgard – he mentally facepalmed at his own silly remark. By hel, what was wrong with his silver tongue? He almost stated he was a prince of jotunheim, that would do him no good – he was merely referred as an unwanted heir already – I am guest of your king, you have no right to stand in my way! No move away and let me pass!

- Indeed you are – the guard answered – and we woved to our king to treat you as the prince deserves and the pass is not closed to you, since you want to go to asgard, where you belong, but to muspellheim – we have no command to let you go.

- I will discuss this to you king then!

- As you wish, my prince – the guard bowed his head down, but loki has already turned his back upon them, his mind prosessing the information – so helblindi shut all the doors for him? All but asgard? Why? If he intended to imprison loki here, he would shut all the doors, but he left one choice for a trickster – his so called ,,motherland.'' While he kept trying to solve this riddle, a servant approached him.

- Prince loki, the king and his brother invite you to a royal dinner and war council.

Loki nodded ,,lead the way'' was all he said. The door to muspellheim was closed, now what game jotunheim's ruler had to offer? – that was a question.

- Loki! – Býleistr greeted him with kind voice, but loki paid no attention to him – he was a mere figure, a shadow under hims brother's feet. That thought made him laugh bitterly – and I am the one of talking about being someone's shadow, the seconds best one?

- Why are the passages to other worlds closed to me ? – loki asked to helblindi.

- Are they? – helblindi raised his brows upon loki – I have given no such order.

Loki looked up confused at first, but then it suddenly became so clear, he was mad at himself – how could he fall for this childish game, how could be he fooled by this monster and his tag-along brother – of course they wanted to know loki's plans, this is their game – they wanted to know if loki was going to search for outside help – that's why closed every door but asgard – if loki went to asgard, that would be nothing but proof that he was trustworthy. Now he got it and wanted to do something to make the situation up for his own purposes.

- I asked to go to asgard, I was rejected! – loki stated, hoping his words to be believable.

- Forgive us, that probably was the guard's mistake – I will take care of that. – helblindi promised.

Loki mentally smiled – now his dear brother was caught in.

- A msitake? What kind of mistake you mean, dear sibling? Did he not recognize me? Or did he messed up with the command about the destinations I am to take?

Helblindi remained silent. The god of lies knew, he won this game but sword might still turn upon. – I was informed differently, you were to go to muspellheim. What do you seek there?

- I seek knowledge, as always – loki answered in a soft voice – knowledge your library was not able to provide – information about defeating odin and aesir at ragnarok. – helblindi's eyes went wide with shock – yes, dear brother – that, is possible! And I comes closer to reality by every step – without thor by his side, odin will not be able to win ragnarok, there will be no new dawn for human race – loki sat on a chair right next to king's side and looked down the tactics plan helblindi was no longer looking at. Býleistr hissed – it was his place loki took. Helblindi looked him and told him to sit down. Loki chuckled – he won something once again.

- So what about my return to asgard and dear family? – he asked. – did you get an answer at last?

- I, odin, son of bor, the ruler of the asgard and the all-father, demand of helblindi, son of laufey, king of jotunheim, that loki laufeyson, was held to aesir as a prisoner and judged for his crimes of treason and as a murderer of thor, son of odin, prince of asgard and heir to the throne. If we do not accept prisoner within the time of two weeks, jotunheim will be declared as equally guilty of like's crimes.'' – helblindi read out loud and turned to guards – guards! take the prisoner to the dungeons!

Loki was stuck. He could no longer feel his body. The guards put chains over his hands and made him move to the door.

Now, he was trapped.


	11. the act of peace, the act of war

**Chapter 11 the act of peace, the act of war**

**Soundtrack is ,,pilgrimage'' by evereve**

Býleistr stood in front of the throne of odin, once again – he came for final answer – the answer that was going to decide fate of jotunheim, war, loki, himself – everything. Odin was not here. He was waiting for more then an hour already – this was an act of disrespectful behavior and it meant no good – his council was not to be welcomed back here, in asgard.

He heard heavy footsteps approaching. Býleistr's ears were sharp enough to guess – that was not the all-father, neither spourse of his, nor the guards. These steps could belong to one person only – the one he feared the most, even more careful watcher and trickster then god of lies himself. He turned around and his guess became reality.

Heimdall was watching him with great interest and once again the jotun prince felt himself uncomfortable, as if loki himself was standing here. These two were not alike a bit – green emerald eyes and pale white skin of god of mischief had nothing in common with the watcher's sunny yellow eyes and chocolate brown skin, but shining in their eyes – that look, making Býleistr feel almost like a punished child. It was so good, perfect choice for them to be each- other's nemesis at ragnarok. Býleistr wondered if loki knew that?

- No he doesn't – answered heimdall to the question that was never uttered. Býleistr's jaw drooped _,,so he reads my mind? By hel, what am I going to do if they know all out plans? I will be executed for both helblindi's and my crimes_.'' He felt unimaginable horror.

- I don't read your mind, – heimdall smiled with a smile of the man who knows, he owns the situation. Býleistr saw loki's smile by his mind's eye – he had the same smile, when he took Býleistr's place beside helblindi's throne, oh how he hated that smile – but made himself stop thinking about it – about loki's fate further and their plans and listened to what that watcher had to say – loki is able hide himself from me and I am not able to read your mind as long as his plans and fate are considered. But I could guess what you were thinking about me – matching us with loki – yes, we are to kill each –other, but he has no idea of it.

- And what does it feel like to watch your nemesis grow in front of you? Watch his every move, every step he takes? What does it feel like to know – you let your own death grow? – Býleistr asked roughly, his voice was insulting – why did not you kill him while he was a child?

- That is what differs you, jotun from us, aesir – heimdall smiled – you don't get that, you never will, neither will loki, that is why tales of ragnarok were always kept from him – why not to kill a child if it's helpless, why let it live to kill you? Loki asked the same question once, he never got his answer. Neither will you. But there is another answer for you, answer you were awaiting for.

- I was awaiting for all father.

- He won't be coming to meet you, I am afraid. I have your answer instead - the all father made- up his mind – he agreed to give his throne to loki and make him a heir to asgard, if jotunheim does the same. We accept your offer of marrige as well, but at one condition only – loki has to return to his home to ascend to the throne - and we will settle the matter of marrige after that. Prince will be handed the cascet as soon as you claim loyalty to him as well and odin will stand aside to kneel to a new king as well. You have two weeks to decide – whether or not you agree to this terms. If you do, loki has to return to asgard and all-father will grant him his royal status. If he refuses to return, then there will be no throne for him and no home – he will be banished from asgard till the ragnarok comes and jotunheim will be declare as enemy. Come, consiliour – I am to escort you ro the rainbow bridge. If loki doesn't return withing a fortnight, that will be the act of war. The all father wishes peace with your people and warns you – do not support loki if he dares to reject kindest offer of our king.

Býleistr was no longer able to think and speak. He only hoped, while walking beside the watcher that helblindi had any idea how to settle the situation at all. Would he let loki rule over two kingdoms? What was odin up to, did he really decide to stand aside and kneel adopted jotun of his? – those thoughts were still torturing him while he stepped on the rainbow bridge.

- Farewell, now, consilior! – said heimdall and his golden eyes were the last thing Býleistr saw, before he disappeared in the cocktail of colors.

Golden eyes, all-watching, all-knowing.

So much alike emerald ones.

**coming next - Chapter 12 ice and fire **

**so, what do you think about this chapter? were you amazed by odin's decision? do you think he will give up throne to loki?**


	12. ice and fire

**someone is coming to this chapter ^_^ you gonna be surprised ^_^**

**Chapter 12 ice and fire **

**Soundtracks - ,,winter land'' and ,,this lonely lake'' by sirenia**

Loki was sitting alone in his prison cell, against the wall. There was no bed or any other furniture over here, the stone walls gray, there were no windows and he could not define the time.

It seemed like a century since helblindi put him here, as if every single world had forgotten he existed at all.

The cell was cold, loki assumed the dungeons were situated deep under the frozen ground of jotunheim. There was not any source of warmth in here. Of course, that was not a problem for jotum prisoners, they were used to same temperature but the sorcerer doubted that even giants were able to feel comfortable in this cold – evidently, he was in the coldest part of this building. That was one of the strategies to break him down – loki felt like he was already breaking - no light for so long time, no warmth, no food or drink and nobody to talk to. Of course, he could get anything he wanted using his magic, but, sadly, the temperature made his body reject his asgardian form – blue spots began to appear on his skin for quite some time now. Trickster without his tricks – loki just hated it. He knew, if he began creating silly images for the purpose of comforting himself only, he could ran out his strength completely and lose his only chance to escape, if he was ever going to get one. The only purpose he used remaining parts of his magic was controlling his appearance – even if nobody was watching, even if he had to rot here alone until the end of times, he would fight till his last breath to his jotun part – not allow it to take over. The sorcerer knew – this was silly fight from his side – if the jotun part was present, he would not feel this blood-freezing cold, feel less tired and even be able to sleep, but insomnia and tiredness was the price worth paying for his pride.

Loki put his face onto his knees, wrapping his hands on his feet and closed his eyes.

Thor was standing in the complete darkness. The place was not cold at all, it was helheim and hot as fire. The land of despair. The thunderer seemed as much broken as his brother – he was not able to fight this place – there was no way out from here. He wandered aimlessly, kept moving forward, kept walking because it was all he could do – walking up the endless stairs, which seemed to go up but still soon enough he found himself again where he started.

He has been searching for a way out, or maybe just someone – other lost souls, or demons, anyone, but there was no one to be seem. Sometimes he heard heavy sounds of footsteps, or even voices murmuring, echoing through high halls, laughing at him.

Suddenly, he stuck the bare wall. Thor touched it with his hands and was able to say (despite the darkness) that this was a door. He pushed the door forward, then backwards, and it opened and the thunderer stepped inside.

There was darkness and thor felt change of temperature – it was cold over here. His heart was beathing hard, he could see the air he was breathing turning into a white-colored shadow. When his eyes got used to the darkness, he saw a man sitting in the corner. Thor wondered if he was alive – how could anyone even survive here?

He approached to look closer.

- Loki? – the thunderer's voice was shaken from different feelings – shock, anger, wonder – all that cocktail of emotions and fear above all as he thought his brother to be dead. He knelled down beside sorcerer – loki is that you? – he shook him – loki talk to me!

The young man opened his eyes slowly and looked up. When their looks met, thor could no longer feel anger towards this man – loki was so broken, he had never seen him this way before – his skin was white and cold, his body was freezing, pale hands were unable to move. His brother's face was exhausted and eyes were no longer shining, black spots under them.

- Thor? - loki said in disbelief – where are we? This is where I should be but.. – added when he looked around and recognized the place he hated. – what are you doing here?

- Where? Where are we? What is wrong with you? Loki tell me, what happened? I remember us, I remember every single thing that happened between us but then.. the darkness, loneliness and that wasteland of eternity.. it was hot and flames everywhere and now it's cold as if we were … - thor's eyes went wide realizing the truth – wait are not we.. – he looked around, there was nothing to be seen but bare walls – are not we in… - loki nodded, smiling hopelessly – jotunheim? You went there without me? You went there anyway? – he pulled his brother close – oh you fool.. you didn't listen! – loki leaned against his brother's hot chest, he felt darkness overcoming him – loki! Loki! Open your eyes! Tell me, what is up to you? Where are you? Is this a dungeon? Who put you here?

- Helblindi did this. – loki answered and he wondered, why he was feeling better and why was the temperature raising? It was his brother, he had forgiven him, he had brought him a sun, at last he felt at peace. – he imprisoned me , our father ordered him.

- I don't believe that! – thor pulled young man in his embrace – oh loki! Why life is always so unfair with you?

- Thor, please go away, you are not here, you are nothing but a mere illusion I created subconsciously. I didn't want this to happen, I promised myself not to do this, but I did anyway – loki's voice was full of tears and sorrow – yes, he betrayed himself again, he broke promise again but.. why was his vision no longer blurred? Why was he feeling warm? Sure, illusion was not able to create all this – he had no enough strength left to do such things. He noticed flames rolling though the walls and realized what was happening. It seems the same thought appeared in thor's mind as well, cause he shook his brother yelling at him – no loki! No! – loki smiled at him – don't give up! Stay wherever you are! This is happening… we still are in _Helgafjell are not we? _ - sorcerer nodded once again – and you are here, because you are dying! – thor felt horror as he watched loki growing strong, his body getting warm and flames over the walls getting brighter – no! return and fight! If I just were able to really come for you! I don't believe father could desire this! He couldn't bring all this upon you.

- He did thor and it is a fair deal – loki made thor let go of him – I deserve worse, cause I killed you. – now that he felt stronger, sorcerer stood up and took several steps backwards, away from his brother. – I killed you. I wish I could go somewhere else, but this place is the only choice there is after we die, through I did not expect to meet you here, but I should have guessed – it the worst I could get. – loki moved towards door.

- - loki don't open that door! – thor shouted at him. Loki smiled and put his hand on door. – if you step out there, if you leave this room, you will never return back and will be doomed to stay in the land of dead!

- I know – loki smirked at the thunderer and pulled the door towards himself.

Nothing happened. He tried harder. No change seemed to appear.

The door was closed.

Loki's hands dropped hopelessly, he turned to thor with bitter smile on his face – so, it seems, here we are, dear sibling - as we always wanted, bound together, forever.

coming next - two more chapters, named

**''tales of ragnarok'' and ,,know your enemy,'' i am not quite sure which one to post first, but i'll update soon enough ^_^ so follow my story. so, what is up to your thorki feels? ^_^ share them in reviews **


	13. know your enemy

**chapter 13 - know your enemy**

** soundtrack for this chapter is ,,nothing else matters'' cover by apocalyptica **

Helblindi never thought odin could really give up his throne to adopted jotun, he knew something was wrong here, it had no logic at all, through he could think of no hidden reasons behind it – maybe the all-father love his little pet that much? Maybe it was queen who loved him? Either way, returning loki to asgard and even ascending him on his own throne was not include in his plans at all. But what to do? Time was running out – loki was sitting in the dungeons too long for even aesir to bear it. It was time to break his spirit and make offer, but what about odin? Would he really start a war if the god of lies didn't return to him within a fortnight? They made it quite clear – loki should be returned to asgard – by will or by force.

- Is not the time right to visit our prisoner, brother? - Býleistr asked. Helblindi looked at him angrily.

- Go on, offer him our deal if you think he is going to accept. – helblindi got up from the throne – well, we have to pay a visit anyway – check how he feels – said the jotun king, called the guards and went down the stairs to the dungeons.

The guard has opened the door and went into the cell with a light source in his hands. Helblindi was kind of surprised – he expected the room to be full of green light. He looked around and saw a shadow figure sitting in the corner – loki? – there was no answer ,,still in a gaming mood, had to put him in a striker term'' – he thought –guards! Bring the prisoner to me!

Couple of jotuns went to check on loki – he is dead, your grace – said one of them.

Helblindi felt them ground shaking under his feet. Dead? God of mischief – dead? That was impossible. – bring him here, quickly! – he shouted. He knelled to look down at the sorcerer – his skin was white and cold, eyes were closed. The king was astonished – loki still looked like aesir – how was that even possible? Suddenly he felt prisoners heart was still beating – slowly, but still beating. – take him to the healers! Now!

Guards took the prisoner to the healing chambers. Helblendi and Býleistr went after them.

- Brother, what just happened? He was not supposed to be like that – consilior asked – he Is half jotun, those term shouldn't be able to kill him this fast. Helblindi smirked awkwardly.

- Pride, brother! His pride! That it what it does – he thinks himself as higher creature, as aesir – he probably wasted last of his magic fighting his true nature. What a pity – god of lies, seemed so confident and strong and appeared to be a foolish boy, weak enough to sacrifice his strength to his self-esteem. But now, I know his weakness, his secret.

Frigga approached heimdall, who was standing at the very end of the rainbow bridge and stood silently beside him.

- What troubles you, my queen? – the watcher asked.

- You know well, heimdall. – frigga turned his gaze upon him – you went to see Býleistr?

- Yes, I did.

- What did you tell him?

- I told him what I was obliged to – the message odin sent to helblindi.

- And what that might be? – the queen asked, demanding.

- I told him to assure loki's return in forteen days, otherwise there will be a war.

- Did you? Is that exactly what odin wished you to say?

- Yes, my queen. – watcher said in a calm voice.

- So you are aware of nothing else?

- No, I am not.

Frigga turned around, as if she was going to leave, but decided to stay – listen, heimdall. My husband always tells me everything of his plans towards our family, but this time, it's different. I know, I am mother I can feel it – something is wrong with this deal, I am a mother and a wife also – I know the all-father well enough to know – loki was never his favorite, he would never let him take over the throne, he is not going to stand aside, is he?

Heimdall remained silent.

- So you don't deny that he is not – frigga grab the watchers hand – heimdall look at me! Tell me what do you see? Is my only son in danger?

- I am not able to see him, my queen, you are aware of that.

- You know, that is NOT what I ask!

- What is that you wish to know, then?

- Does odin really plan to give up the throne? – frigga saw the answer in heimdall's eyes – no he is not – her voice trembled – no, he is not! But he wants loki back? Doesn't he? He cares about him, being imprisoned there? – queen's eyes were full of tears. The watcher looked at her as if he was disappointment to her. Frigga let go of his hand and turned away to hide her tears.

The answer was clear.

so i made up my mind on which chapter to post first. as it is clear, the next chapter will be **tales of ragnarok :)**

**i promise to update soon :)**


	14. old wounds, new pain

**Chapter 14 old wounds, new pain**

** soundtrack for this chapter is ,,heal my wounds'' by the poets of the fall**

**in this chapter, i tried to be accurate with grammar and capital letters, as one of you advised, through I don't think that is important when it gets to liking or disliking the story :) The following chapter was strongly inspired by the song. i hope you are gonna like it.**

Loki knew, he had nowhere to go. The sorcerer's hands dropped hopelessly, he turned to Thor with bitter smile on his face – so, it seems, here we are, dear sibling - as we always wanted, bound together, forever.

The silence felt. Loki was just standing there, with hand's crossed on his chest, while Thor could not stop walking to and fro. Flames were lighting the room even more with every second passed, both knew what that meant – that over there, somewhere, in cold, dark dungeons of Jotunheim, Loki was dying, freezing.

- What can we do about that? – Thor asked at last, nervous.

- About what, dear brother? – Loki smirked – about me being here? Well, I am sorry to disappoint you, I can't just vanish, believe me I would like to. What a terrible fate you have indeed – he added bitterly – to get a monster like me as a brother, lover, nemesis and even as mate in death.

- Loki stop that! – the thunderer took several steps towards his little brother, intending to hold him, to make this sarcastic look on his face fade away.

- Thor, don't you dare to touch me again! YOU DO NOT OWN ME! I'm not your toy! My fate may be kidding me and leaving me for the worst once more, but I won't allow you to do that thing again to me! I've had enough already. – Thor put down his hands, staring in Loki's eyes.

- What is wrong with you, brother – he sad sadly – what have life done to you? You are not the man I once knew, the one I loved. Why you say things that poison my mind? You desire to stuck the dagger in my heart once again?

the sorcerer's eyes were filled with horror and thunderer realized what he had just admitted. His brother knew he remembered everything. Loki felt as if he was on fire. Thor knew what he had done, he knew that all along and still wanted to heal his wounds, he pulled Loki in his embrace despite all the wrong the sorcerer had done, he did not want his brother to die. Oh, how Loki wished death sometimes, when he felt down, rejected, unworthy of his title, of his brother's love and now, now he was already dead and there was still no such thing as peace for him, not even in here – still suffering, pain tearing him apart, shame and worst of all – no privacy. He couldn't ever just break down, lye on the ground and cry out in pain, scratch his face and damage his body to make his guilt go away – Thor would not allow him such thing, he would resist him being hurt. Trickster hated his brother for being so kind, so full of love and affection, forgiving and patient – he really was like the sun, the only sun there ever was in his miserable life and Loki made this sun disappear from his life, no longer able to be it's shadow, but there was one thing he had forgotten – if there is no light, no shade is able to exist.

All the emotions roaring underneath the surface, the sorcerer had to stand with plain face and hide it all, pretend as always. Oh if he just could let Thor see what was tearing him apart – he'd rather be beaten, hated, ignored even – this worried and passionate look on the thunderer's face was what killing him. Loki felt darkness overcoming him, his strength fading, he was no longer able to stand on his feet, he felt on his knees, pushing his hands forward in order not to hit the floor with face.

- Loki? What's wrong with you ? – Thor rushed forward to hold him upright but he was not able to touch him – his hands just passed through Loki's body, his vision blurred.

Lights slowly faded through the room, Loki felt cold once again – you're going back, brother – Thor whispered in his ear –sleep now, let your mind have some peace. – that was the last thing he heard, before darkness overcame him.

Loki opened his eyes.

He was in his chamber, in Helblindi's palace.

The nightmare passed, he could sigh in relief.

He was alive.

**COMING NEXT CHAPTER 14 TALES OF RAGNAROK** :) I've passed that chapter to be next three times already, just decided the story needed a bit of THORKI ^_^


	15. tales of Ragnarok

**Chapter 15 tales of Ragnarok**

**soundtrack to this chapter is ,,day and then the shade'' by Katatonia**

**this is the longest chapter i have ever written, but the next chapter will be updated soon as well.**

Several days have passed since Loki woke up. He still was not aware who brought him here and why, does that mean that he was no longer a prisoner, that Odin has changed his mind about Loki being punished for a murder, or just Helblindi guessed his precious prison was at the edge already? The sorcerer considered the second version as more truthful.

Despite all the worries and uncertainty that surrounded him, trickster was feeling better. Blue spots on his skin began to disappear and he felt life and strength returning to him and was eager do to something, talk to someone, take actions. The sorcerer has already tried to use some magic – at first it didn't work at all, but now, 3 days later, he could already do some tricks, puny and miserable ones, compared to what there used to be, but Loki assured himself that it would just take longer – but sooner or later, he believed, his power would come back to him.

The days of being a prisoner were blurred in his memory and the trickster tried hard not to think of it, but found it to be quite hard thing to do – that sense of cold, dark nights and Thor, looking at him as he used to, so many times – kept coming back, kept torturing him and Loki hated those moments. He looked around. There were some books in this room, situated on the only shelf on the opposite side to the bed. Loki walked to it and took several books, sat on the bed (he was still weak) and turned the pages without much interest. Minutes later, he threw the silly book on the floor and took another, but soon the second one shared the fate of the first, until the sorcerer's attention fall to a leather covered, small, blue book, which seemed unbelievably familiar.

Loki could feel his hand shaking and he was not sure he wanted to open that tiny book, but he braced himself and turned it to a random page. No, he was not mistaken (but, oh how he wished he was) – it was the same book – his Midgardian book of poems.

The trickster let go of the book and covered his face with hands. The book fall on the floor. What was happening to him? Was it some kind of joke Helblindi played upon him? But that silly jotun was not aware of his feelings, he could not be. But… considering such thing as a simple coincidence was foolish as well – there are millions of books in nine realms, when and how could jotuns possibly travel to Midgard, visit New York and buy the exact same book Loki owned?

Suddenly, an idea came to trickster's mind – that was madness, it was not possible but he still had to check it, he would never find peace if eh didn't so Loki made himself pick up the book, turn to the last page and.. and there it was, his own hand writing and the thunderer's name, with some symbols, in a frame.

Loki felt ground shaking under his feet. This was not just the same book he owned, this was the exact book of his, the book he has spent his days with, while memories and thoughts of his brother were floating through his mind, back there, in Asgard.

The sorcerer's mind was overloaded; who brought this book here? Why? Has he gone insane while being tortured in the dungeons? He had no answers. Loki stood up and walked to bathroom, to feel some cold water on his face and calm down.

Icy water made him feel better, but he could say his skin was hotter then ever. Even when he used to have fever in childhood, his skin always stayed cold, so what was wrong with him now? How is it even possible to burn in Jotunheim? Loki looked down at his hands – they seemed not so pale as usual, as if he had taken sun-baths for a long time. Even the thought made him laugh – sun-bathing? In Jotunheim's dungeon? That was beyond imagination. Feeling a bit cheerful, he hold himself upright and his glance felt on the mirror, his jaw dropped, eyes went wide with shock.

Thor was staring at him from the other side of the reflection.

Loki shook his head, closed eyes and opened them again. Nothing had changed – no pale skinned, green eyed, black haired casual reflection of his appeared – him elder brother was looking at him still, but not happy and with smile on his face, as usual – but rather worried, alarmed.

Loki put his hand on the mirror. Thor from the other side, did the same thing. Loki clapped his hands. The thunderer mirrored his action.

There could be no doubt – but how? The trickster was not even sure he could explain what he just saw – he, god of lies, actually looked like god of thunder in his reflection. He hit the mirror with his fist. The glass was broken, drops od blood run down on Loki's hand and once there was nothing more then just a frame left on the wall, he realized that once, more, his actions were unlike himself and much like his brother's. this thought made panic arise in Loki's mind.

- Loki? – trickster almost groaned in pain – seeing Helblindi now was the worst thing could happen to him – that silly jotun didn't appear for quite some time, why now? Was this a part of his plan? What did they do to him? That book, the reflection in mirror, sunburns on his skin – it all made his mind go round. – Loki? Are you there? – Helblindi called again. – I have come to talk to you.

Loki's brain was working fast – what to do? Go face his so-called-brother, let himself check the reaction? Maybe this image that shocked him was nothing but a mere illusion, which his tired and exhausted mind created? He won't be able to check if he can change his appearance by magic – there was only one mirror in his room and he had broken it so stupidly. There was no other option to check – Loki decided to act, pulled the door to himself and stepped out the bathroom. Helblindi was standing near the book-shelf and when he turned toward's the sorcerer, he regretted not thinking before acting, since when the trickster got used to act without planning, leaving all to fate and blind chance?

Once again he acted so unlike himself.

- Loki, are you not feeling well? – Helblindi asked – you look so pale, do you need something?

Those words made Loki catch his breath again – so there was nothing Helblindi could see, he still looked like himself, like he should look. Finding that fact out made him relax and sigh in relief, trickster felt like his own mind came back to him.

- Since when are you so concerned about my well-being, if I may wonder ? – Loki said in a sharp, cold voice – you were the one to put me in the dungeon and forget about my exictence at all, if I remember that correctly. – he smiled mentally noticing that Helblindi was embarrassed with those words – that meant the jotun king actually needed something from the trickster, he was not able to throw him aside – Loki was still in power of doing something. Now, he has to find out what that was and not give up it easily.

- You are right, brother – finally Helblindi uttered a word. The title of ,,brother'' made Loki feel uncomfortable, but he didn't comment – I have made a mistake by following Odin's orders so easily – I should not have forget that you are a member of my family and I should take care of you. We should unite our powers to defeat our common enemies – the all-father and the aesir.

- And what made you think, I consider Aesir as my enemies? – the sorcerer raised his brows. Helblindi smirked noticing that it were Aesir who ,,were not considered'' as enemies by trickster, not the all-father.

- Are they not? – he asked back – did they not tore you apart from your real home, to keep you as a weapon, as a stolen relic, to have use of you? Did all-father not hide your true nature from you, did he not detested you? Did he not raised you surrounded by lies?

- Yes, you are right – Loki answered – I am aware in what conditions I was raised and I am aware of it better then you, Helblindi. Let's not talk about my unhappy childhood and about the joys I was casted from by not being a jotun prince. You want to tell me something, do not you? O go on, make an offer you came here to make!

- An offer brother? – Helblindi smirked – I am offering you the truth, the knowledge that was always lacking in you life! I brought you truth about Rangarok! – the last word made Loki's mind spin. Ragnarok. The word always hidden from him, always tabooed, skipped for the next time. He was eager of the knowledge but … could Helblindi's truth be trusted? Well, anyway, he could listen to it now and judge later.

- And what is that truth?

- The truth is that you made Ragnarok fade, become less possible, by killing Thor stupidly! – Helblindi raised his voice – did I not tell you to kill Odin first? Have you not ever thought I had I reason for that? What do you know about Ragnarok, what do you know about the monsters that should defeat Aesir? – Loki stayed silent – you know nothing and still didn't listen to me! Now, dear brother, here is the truth for you – Helblindi opened a book and read out loud – at Ragnarok, the world tree Yiggdraisil shudders and groans. The jötunns comes from the east, his shield before them. The Midgard serpent Jormungard will rise from the sea, to battle agains Thor, the god of thunder, Odin is falling against the giant wolf Fernir, Freys falls against the Surtr, Heimdall and Loki fight for death and kill each-other.

After the battle the gods Hoor and Baldr return from Hel and live happily together, an the new dawn comes. – the jotun kind stopped reading and looked up to see Loki's reaction, but there was nothing to be seen on the face of god of lies.

- So what? – Loki asked in a soft, calm voice – you just told me that I will die and expect me to fall down on my knees and mourn like a child?

- You skipped the main point about the story, my beloved sibling – Helblindi noticed ironically – not only you die, but all your family as well.

- My family? Do I have to notice, that I no longer consider Odin as my father and Thor as my brother?

- I meant you children, actually – jotun king smiled at Loki – monsters, the arch enemies of your no-longer-considered family, are your children. You will father them all – Fernir, the giant wolf, Jormungard, the sea serpent and Sleipnir, the eight legged horse, which, by the way, will end up to become Odin's favorite toy. Concerning father you will be, no doubt, if you still gonna get a chance to be one, since..

- - enough! – Loki shouted – enough already! I've heard lot's of your lies, but these ones are far worse then any other, uttered before, Helblindi! At last make up the stories to sound a bit realistic.

- They are true, brother. That's why Odin always kept Ragnarok secret from you, that's why you never heard of those events – the all father didn't want you to know – you are the main cause of the doomsday, the father to the monsters and nemesis of the watcher. Without you, there is no Ragnarok. That is why your fate is so important.

- And was not it important as well when you locked me in the dungeon? – Loki fired his eyes upon the other one – I was the same person when you made me almost die there! Was not the Ragnarok important to you back then, just a week ago? Why be eager to save me now?

- It was. – Helblindi answered calmly – I didn't expect you to break down that easily, I considered a jotun blood as enough protection for you – Loki bite his lips to hide the fury inside him, to control his emotions, this remark of his weakness, his pride, his desire to hide the jotun side, which was not going to get away – the conversation was leading to something worse, he was sure.

- And what do you want from me now?

- You made a mistake by killing Thor. If you will not return to Asgard, you will not experience the events that will lead you to become a father to those three creatures – Heldblindi chocked on his words. It was not clever to call Loki's children ,,creatures'' but ,,babies'' would sound far worse. – Now, that you are banished from Asgard and nothing but death awaits you there, all goes to hel – we should do something to turn those events back, find an alternative way for you to bring those… children of yours.. to life.

- So that is what you demand? You want me to create monsters that will destroy Aesir at Ragnarok? – the sorcerer wondered what was hidden behind that offer. Creating monster that would going to kill Odin will be a great pleasure, but why ask so… carefully, scared even? Something was wrong, something Helblindi would not tell. – so you are not going to send me to face Odin's judgement? You will start a war instead? how thoughtful.

- I will leave the choice to you, actually. – Helblindi answered. That surprised Loki. The choice? Between planning Odin's death and Odin, planning his death? What was to choose here, anyway? – I will leave this book for you to read and make up your mind, it's about all the tales hidden from you. Chose wisely, we don't have much time. Odin demanded your return within two weeks, otherwise there is only war. We have 4 days left. – with these words, Helblindi turned away, walked to the door and left Loki's chamber. The trickster took the book and laid on the bed comforted himself and took a deep breath before reading – whatever he was going to find out – it won't be pleasing.

**coming next - chapter 16 - the decision **


	16. train of thoughts

**Chapter 16 the train of thoughts**

**i know, this chapter should be the one called ,,decision'' but it will come after this. I thought there was too much for Loki to think, consider in details.**

**soundtrack for this chapter is ,,suffer'' by VNV nation**

**there are lots of stories from norse sagas in this chapter, i hope you are interested in myths as much as i am, because i don't think Marvel's movies explain everything well, so I just considered those tales as the alternative way of seeing things. I just ask myself questions that were left for me while watching movies and try to answer them logically.**

Loki's head was spinning. He closed his eyes trying to analyze the information he was given. Fernir the wolf, Jormungadr the serpent, Sleipnir the eight legged horse. His children. That was just something beyond his imagination, what was the truth, what was the lie? Fernir, Sleipnir, Jormungadr… it all made no sense. He could not bear children, if such monsters were able to be children at all. The book said he gave birth to Sleipnir. That he turned into a male horse and.. this was disgusting. Other stories were worse, the sorcerer did not even wish to read them. Just this one story about Sleipnir was dishonoring him enough. Why Helblindi gave him this? To play with his pride? That may be a option but for what? What was the use? Just driving him insane? He could have done it easily otherwise and what was this purpose, what was his offer? It was not quite clear to Loki – does he really think I could give birth to those monsters? He shook his head and went on with reading. Fernir's story was next.

_Fernir, also known as the Fenriswolf, he was the offspring of the trickster fire god Loki. his brother was the evil serpent Jormungandr. It was because of Fenrir that the god Tyr lost his right hand. During Ragnarok, the battle that would take place at the end of the world, it was considered, that Fenrir would swallow the principal god Odin; Odin's death would be avenged by his son Vidar._

_The evil Loki himself gave birth to Fenrir, after eating the heart of a giantess, the witch Angerbotha. After his birth, the gods received prophecies of disaster concerning Fenrir and his siblings. Even when Fenrir was a pup, the only god courageous enough to approach him was Tyr._

_Despite the dire prophecies, the gods could not kill Fenrir because it would have defiled their sanctuary. But they sought some way to tie up the beast, who grew noticeably larger each day. They attempted to restrain him with two different iron fetters. The wolf broke the first, called Leyding, with a single kick. The second fetter, called Dromi, was twice as strong. The wolf strained a bit at this one but soon broke it as well. Then the gods became more afraid of the wolf's power. Odin sent Skirnir, Frey's messenger, down into the world of the dwarfs and had them fashion a magic restraint called Gleipnir. It was made of six ingredients: the sound of a cat's footfall, the beard of a woman, the roots of a mountain, a bear's sinews, a fish's breath, and a bird's spittle. When it was done, Gleipnir was smooth and soft, like a silken ribbon. Skirnir brought it back to the home of the gods, and they took it to the island of Lyngvi by the lake Amsvartnir. They called the wolf, showed him the silky band, and challenged him to test his strength again._

_Fenrir was suspicious because of the thinness of the band. The gods agreed to free him if he could not break out of the fetter himself, but Fenrir was still reluctant to have it put on him. He asked that someone put their hand into his mouth as a pledge that the gods were acting in good faith._

_None of the gods was willing to take such a risk, knowing full well the deceit, but then Tyr stepped forward and put his right hand into the wolf's mouth, making the sacrifice that would keep the gods safe. Fenrir was bound with Gleipnir, and he tried with all his might but could not snap it. The gods laughed to see the wolf's distress-except for Tyr: Fenrir closed his mouth on Tyr's hand at the wrist._

_Once the wolf was bound, the gods took a cord, called Gelgia, that hung from the fetter, and threaded it through a great stone slab called Gioll. They fastened the slab deep into the earth. Then they took a huge rock, called Thviti, using it for an anchoring-peg._

_The wolf, in his anger, struggled violently and stretched its jaws frighteningly wide, trying to bite them all. The gods thrust a tall sword into Fenrir's mouth as a gum prop, with its hilt touching his lower gums and the point touching his upper gums. Fenrir continued to howl horribly, and saliva ran from his mouth. In this subdued condition, according to the myths, the terrible Fenriswolf would remain until Ragnarok, when the gods and the giants would fight to the death._

Loki turned the page. No it was not possible – he kept reassuring himself. It's just a book of tales, no such fate awaits him, there are not creatures like this anywhere bound somewhere, to wait until the call of Ragnarok. What was the truth anyway? Who was this Angerbotha anyway? He had never heard such name before. Loki found chapter dedicated to her easily. The trickster could not imagine eating someone's heart for whatever reason. Well if it was Odin then.. no, to even then he would be able to dishonor himself in such a way, let himself fall so down.

**_Angrboða_**_ is a female Jotun giantess. Angrboða is known only in as the mother of Fernir by Loki, the god of mischief and lies. However, she is also (by Loki) mother of Fenrir's sibling, Jormungadr (the Midgard Serpent)._ – Here Loki's mind was completely overload. Was not he himself supposed to be ,,mother'' (this world, towards himself, made him feel nauseous. ) of that wolf? Now it came out, that giant thing was the mother and he should be father? By hel, what was wrong with this book anyway and mostly – what was wrong with Helblindi, making him read these silly things that would never be? Was it possible that Jotun marring him would result a giant wolf?

**_Maybe that was the thing? _**Marrige? Did all Helblindi purposed was him getting married on some Jotun creature? ,,you are a Jotun yourself, you were born as one'' – inner voice said to him. ,,no, I am not'' he answered angrily but knew, it was truth, well half-truth – he could not be fully-jotun and as Laufey was definitely a Jotun, when the other parent of his should be from the different race? But which one? Aesir? He wanted to believe so, but what would make Aesir bear the Jotun child? ,,What made Aesir, the all-father himself, adopt the Jotun child?'' Loki asked himself. He didn't believe those fairy-tales of joining the realms and defending the innocent child. That was not the thing, but what was? He had questions, not answers. The trickster wondered, if Helblindi knew about what, who his mother was. They were different, it was visible – Jotuns could not change their appearance, could not look like Aesir, were not able to create illusions, disappear, hide from the eyes of the watcher.

Here Loki stopped his train of thoughts. Heimdall! How could he not consider Heimdall again, a silly mistake as the one made after Thor's death. Why, why he seemed always so careless when it came to Heimdall? ,,Helblindi said we are going to kill each-other.'' Loki smirked, was that part true? He wondered. It seemed true but… why? Heimdall was the second most powerful figure after Odin, he ever knew. What was the Odin's plan, when he adopted one of the most powerful Aesir's arch enemy as his son? Stepping on Heimdall's honor? Loki supposed Odin was cleverer then that, no he would not make Heimdall angry, that was what he knew, but suddenly he realized that Heimdall never actually detested him. No, he did not, but how? Knowing that your nemesis grows in front of you, that he is your prince, Loki wondered what does it felt like? But he had come to Heimdall for an advice quite often, since he was a child. He was never rude with little prince, or angry, quite the opposite – he was calm as always, patient, loyal.

And the others? Of course, Odin knew everything, he always did. Frigga? Loki stopped there. Could Frigga know about all this? No, she could not, she should not but it was the fact that she knew all Odin knew, they had no secrets with each other. Loki felt betrayed once again. His mother, only woman he ever trusted.. she knew his fate and never bothered to warn him or just tell him maybe?

Trickster threw the book off and stood up. He was trying hard not to think about all this but names kept coming to his mind –his family.. in past, in future. Odin, Frigga, Thor.. his to-be-wife giantess, what was her name anyway? Fernir, the wolf, Jormungadr the serpent, Sleipnir..

And suddenly something fleshed up in his mind… Sleipnir… the eight legged horse, Sleipnir.. Odin actually had that horse, the was riding it when he came to help Thor and Loki in Jotunheim.

Loki could feel his hands shaking and he could no longer stand on his feet, he just leaned onto the wall and closed his eyes. Sleipnir was real. It existed, it was real. The sorcerer pressed his memory to recall – when was the first time he saw or heard about that creature? But after several minutes of hard mind-working, he realized that he actually never had – never heard that name, never seen the horse except that one night in Jotunheim, but the name was somehow familiar, he had surely heard it before, he knew he had. Does that mean he was the father to that creature? Or mother even? Was it possible that he really brought that ugly creature to life and then someone made him forget it? Well, not someone there was only one – Odin could do it easily. It could explain everything – why everybody disliked him, why father favored Thor – who would like to have a son flirting with horses and giving birth to eight legged monsters? Loki hated himself even for the idea and the possibility that his theory could appear to be real – it just made him die inside.

,,now, now'' he said to himself -,,calm yourself down, control yourself. Nothing of it is real, it is not possible. You're imagination is playing games at you, those monster are not real. You have never seen Odin riding eight legged horse, he does not have such horse.'' But was not selling it to himself. Loki was sure he saw that horse. Him mind went to possibilities of checking this. Who he could ask?

Odin? Well, returning to Odin was his death sentence, probably. Thor? he smiled about it mentally. Got so used to the idea that he had actually seen Thor, in that room, in the mirror, that forgot the fact – Thor was dead. Loki imagined just going back there to talk to the thunderer **,**,_hey Thor, sorry for interrupting you, no I am not dead, don't worry, I just popped in to ask one question. Have you ever seem Odin riding an eight legged monster horse? Maybe the night when you started a war for someone calling you a princess? Remember that? So, do you recall our dear father riding a horse that night, I just wonder, because I think I might be it's mother… or father.. not quite sure.''_

Imagining Thor's dumb face Loki actually burst into laughter. Well, dying was worth price for seeing Thor's face when his little brother asked him something like this. Loki mentally re-played a scene after returning from Jotunheim, when Odin banished his brother to Midgard. No there was no horse over there and could not it just disappear while traveling through Bifrost? Where would that horse go? Maybe it was just an illusion Odin created to impress Jotuns and Laufey? Probably. That thought made Loki caught his breath again, but what about other monsters? He was not sure about anything anymore. Even if that horse never existed, Odin knew he might, that it was expected.

So what if..

What if.. no, Loki was not eager to think good of his so called father but the idea just came to him ,,_what if Odin adopted me in order to make sure such fate did not reach me? What if he created an illusion of the horse which I was destined to give birth to? What if he did it in order to make everyone believe, that the plans for Ragnarok where floating calmly it's way?_'' but why? If there was any idea, that seem to have some common sense, thousand other question arise against it. So Odin wanted to protect Loki? But what about his image? If people knew… Loki felt so embarrassed at this thought, what if people of Asgard were told tales about those monsters, what if those tales were hidden from him only? What if everyone, behind his back, thought he actually gave birth to a monster horse? Who would like him as their king then? Well, such a son.. would be shame for a royal family.

And what about Frigga? could she take the child into her family, love him, if she knew that he would bring to life monsters that were destined to kill his firstborn and his husband? his mother was the kindest woman he ever known but Loki doubted even she would be able to love that child. that thought made him sick. what if she didn't know? what if she found out?

The sorcerer was walking to a fro aimlessly, trying to think of something that was.. beyond destruction.. at last something to make him feel reality. He stepped towards bathroom and stopped, a bit afraid maybe? Yes, he was kind of scared seeing Thor in that mirror again, but then remembered – Thor was not here, even the mirror was not there – Loki had broken it and there was no need to avoid stepping in that room.

So he did. He took a towel, intending to take a bath. Warm water made him feel relaxed. He closed his eyes and let the joyful waves of feelings surround him. Hot bath felt just like he was back home, in Asgard's palace, in his chamber, where he used to lie like this and read a book. He hated even thought about reading a book again. Some of his favorites – maybe, but not that awkward one about him giving birth to things, or marring a monster giantess.

Memories of childhood flooded his mind – he and Thor, swimming in the lakes, lying on the green grass under the sunny sky, together, his head leaning against thunderer's strong chest, comforting him whenever Loki felt scared, down. The way they used to sit in the shadow of the tree, at one of their favorite place, near the waterfall, where mountains could be easily seen, their heads covered with snow. Thor and him, holding hand, standing side by side, running in the forests, playing, wrestling, fighting for fun, sometimes kissing even. Of course they were still too young to realize what that meant, or rather, Thor was. Now, when Loki was fleshing down those memories , it seemed to him that he always knew what he felt to his elder brother had never been brotherly love – jealousy, anger, rage, fury, passion, irresistible desire to touch him, never let him go. The trickster found those memories a bit painful. Oh how wrong he was, when he thought that pain would go away with physical image of the thunderer, oh how he hoped that Thor's blood on his hands would make those feeling disappear.

He was wrong. He had to find a way to get on with his life, which was rather difficult and was getting just worse every day, but no matter how hard he tried, he found himself bound in the past.

Loki felt ill, as if nothing has changed, as if he was still in that tiny room, with his brother. Why he could not just let it go?

He had to find a way. He had to make a decision. Either agree to Helblindi's offer and… what would happen then was too awkward even for his imagination. No, that was NOT an option.

Otherwise… he could be held as a prisoner, a a trophy to his own family ,,they are no longer your family'' he said to himself, but it changed nothing. He would be returned to Asgard as a prisoner, dishonored, fallen, as a murderer. That was not a option as well.

Suddenly, the other idea came to his mind. He had one other path to go through, a narrow path, but there was a little chance it might work.

**coming next - chapter 16 ,,the decision'' **


	17. the decision

**chapter 17 - ,,the decision''**

**i am sorry i made you wait for this chapter for too long :) i had several plots in mind and was not sure which one i wanted to expand. there are lot's of myths in this chapter, part of them are my own fantasies, other part - from real norse myths.**

**soundtrack to this chapter is ,,carolus rex'' by Sabaton, which, i think, is just awesome for Loki in this chapter **

**enjoy!**

Loki made sure he was invisible before walking out of his chamber and to the throne room. Several guards and servants were walking down the corridor. He was lucky – the door of the was wide open, but there was no sign of Helblindi or Býleistr, the room was completely empty. Going to Helblindi's chamber was useless and dangerous also. The king may be in lots of places, doing things Loki just didn't even wanted to imagine. He decided to check the council hall before leaving.

The decision proved itself to be right – lots of guards were standing at the door and the god of mischief saw sure – there was something important going on, but how to get in there? His magic was strong but not in a perfect condition – he could not just walk through the door or a bare wall. but he was not called trickster for nothing. Loki smiled mischiviously and created an illusion of the door and made the real one invisible, then he pushed the door towards himself, got into the room and closed it again, guards noticed nothing.

Loki turned around. The council hall was a glorious sight – the chamber was round, silver-colored, decorated with blue flags of Jotunheim. The ceiling was high, leaned on eighteen bronze pillars, ending with a decorated dome. There were huge statues of kings situated near the walls and 12 similar doors. Loki made sure he marked the door he entered from – there was no guarantee the other doors were leading the the safe places. In fact they were not – five of eleven doors used to be the portals to other realms – first, there was Muspelheim - home of the Fire Demons, right beside the throne of the king, then, there was Vanaheim, the home of Vanir, Alfheim, the home of the Light Elves, Svartalfheim, the house of the Dark Elves, Nidavellir, the home of the Dwarves.

There were no doors for Midgard, because traveling to Midgard was not in any realm's interest – Midgard always used to be an outcast, from the times magic was forgotten there and age of men, age of technology began. There was no door to Asgard – traveling to the All-father's realms was prohibited. the other six doors were leading straight to Hel.

It was Laufey's father, Loki's grandfather, who made traveling through the realms possible, without the Watcher seeing it and the legend, that royal Jotuns were able to hide themselves from Heimdall's all-knowing eyes was born this way. He was the creator of the Cascet of Ancient Winters, the powerful relic, , which contained the power of Ymir, The oldest and most powerful of the Frost Giants, through not the smartest one. Ymir was formed at the beginning of creation in Niffleheim. The he tended to focus all of his energies towards destruction and little else. Except for Surtr, Ymir was the oldest known being in the Nine Worlds.

The power of the Cascet, which made travel between the realms possible and controlled the Ymir, Jotun king dared to begin a war against Asgard and the All-father – the Ice War. Aesir were able to defeat Frost Giants, the king has fallen at the battlefield and the prince Laufey claimed loyalty to Odin and gave-up the Ice Cascet.

after defeat and lose of Ice Cascet, Jotunheim had lost it's old glory – the portals collapsed and lead into the abyss now. Giants were no longer able to escape Heimdall's watch and they had to give up on rebellion of any kind.

In the center of the hall there was a large, round , silver table, with 24 chairs, decorated with silver and blue. Helblindi was sitting at the King's place, Býleistr's rightful place, as the king's brother's and counsiliour's, was near him, but Loki noticed that the place was empty – Býleistr was sitting at the end of the table, just opposite to the king. The sorcerer wondered, if it meant the conflict was arising between them.

There were other people in the hall. Hreidmar was the king of Nidavellir, Loki remembered him from his visits to claim loyality to Asgard. Now he was here, that meant no good. The other, sitting beside Nidavellir's king, was of Svartalfheim, the Dark Elf, he was not familiar to the Sorcerer. He had not seen the female Frost Giant up to now, either, but somehow he guessed who that one might be – she was Angrboda, Loki's soon-to-be-wife. The strange company it was.

- My friends, - Helblindi spoke up – we have gathered here, burdened with glorious purpose (Loki almost laughed at that) – the time has come – finally, we have a chance to get what we have been craving for almost thousand years – defeating Asgard and freeing ourselves from it's slavery.

- The time? – Hreidmar, king of the Dwarves said sarcastically – why now? Does that bastard son of Odin mean THAT much? He broke his vow to his own family, how can you trust him and besides, if I am not mistaken, he did not bring you a Cascet, did he? So what you have to rely on now?

- No, he did not – Helblindi answered – but he still means much to us. We can not let him go.

- Even if Odin declares the war for holding him? – the Dark Elf asked.

- Not even then. My friends, you should know the story of Ice War, the loose of the Cascet, but there is something else you have to know – Odin, to keep Jotuns under control, demanded a great sacrifice from Laufey and my father, who cherished his life above all other, made it – Odin took Laufey's son, his firstborn as a prisoner, raising him like his own child.

- You mean Loki? – Hreidmar whispered, his eyes went wide with surprise – Loki is Jotun? Your brother, the heir?

- Yes, he is – Helblindi answered coldly. – but he was never destined to get his throne back. Let me explain, my guest. Jotuns are amazing creatures, Jotun blood is a curse, some people assume, but royal Jotun blood is much, much more – royal Jotuns have magic floating through their veins.

My grandfather's magic was so strong, he was able to open and control portals to five realms, with Ice Cascet, but he fall on the battlefield and his magic was not gone completely – by tradition, the Jotun prince always has the power of his ancestors – magic to hide himself, secure himself from the Watcher's eye, control the Cascet and Ymir, The oldest and most powerful of the Frost Giants, whose power Age has not diminished in the least, I assure you.

When Laufey surrendered to Odin, when he betrayed his son, he lost his right to the throne – his magic was gone even before he claimed the throne. Of course, this was held as a secret, myths of royal Jotuns, being hidden from Asgard's watch were spreading around as before, but Laufey was just a lackey of Odin- he never held a power, he let Jotunheim be destroyed, in order to keep his useless life. I was told of all this when I came of age.

Yes, my friends, this is true – as painful as it is, I am not the rightful king – no magic was given to me from my useless, coward father. Odin took the true heir to the throne, he had a purpose to keep him away, but Loki came to my door by himself. I made him kill his own brother, who he always looked up to and now, here is the question – Odin knows all, he knows why we need Loki, he secures us, keeps our privacy – as long as he remains in the palace, our plans are hidden from the Watcher's eyes. We can not let him go – as soon as we do, we reveal ourselves. There is no turning back – there is only the war. The question is – whether or not we have Loki on our side. If we do, we have a great power, even without the Cascet. If he refuses to stay – we should make him by force, press on him – he killed his own brother, he won't be welcomed back in Asgard. If the God of Lies won't stay by his own will – we should make him by force – he is our only security.

Silence fall. Everyone was shocked with the truth being uttered at last, after the lies of thousand years.

Loki was astonished. At last, the truth he craved for – his true parentage, his adoption, Odin's purposes – the sorcerer knew at last. His mind was spinning, his heart beating fast, enjoying lots of possibilities ahead.

- Why you called me here? – Angrboda asked.

- I called you with a purpose – the king answered – you are being offered as a spouse to Loki. – the God of Mischief smirked while seeing pride of the giantess face ,_,there is no hope for you, dear'' – he thought._ – if Loki marries you, your children will be granted his power and Jotunheim will have his glory back.

- And what if he refuses to marry me? – Angrboda doubted – I don't think the man grown among Aesir will have a desire to share his bed with a Jotun.

- He will – Býleistr cut in – he thinks he has to marry you to claim the throne of Jotunheim and Asgard.

- The throne? – the Dark Elf repeated.

- Mind you tongue, brother! – Helblindi yelled at Býleistr. – this is no concern of yours!

- But it is ours, definitely – Hreidmar shouted, rushed up from his chair – you never mentioned of that creature ruling the two realms! I won't accept that! Who knows what ideas will come to his twisted mind!

- Sit down, Hreidmar! – Helblindi said calmly – nobody is gonna reveal him anything, or make him the king. As fast as he will give us a heir, I intend to kill him myself. I have no intention to let him rule over my kingdom.

- Why? Why wait? – Hreidmar shouted again – kill him! Finish him now, you have him as a prisoner for a month already and what result do we have? Nothing! We have achieved nothing at all!

- Have not you listened to what I said at all? – Helblindi raised his voice as well – he has the magic! Our only hope! If he dies without a heir, our race will lost something we cherish above all! We can not accept that! Jotunheim will be left without a defense forever! We will be doomed to fall at Odin's feet until Ragnarok! Kill him? Oh, go right ahead – as soon as Loki is dead, all our plans will be revealed to Odin! What hope is left then? Do you crave for a name of a traitor that much?

Hreidmar sat down.

- What does he know? What options does he have? – the Dark Elf asked.

- He has two options – to be given to Odin as a prisoner and to marry Angrboda. He hates his adoptive father, I am sure of it, he will never desire to be dishonored in from of him and Aesir, who, Loki still claims to be ,,his people'' – the pride inside him never let the trickster to admit himself as a Jotun – not even in dungeons – that, by the way, is understandable – raised among the Aesir – means to see Jotuns as heartless, ugly, decreased creatures – that was Odins goal –to make our prince hate us, so that his magic would be lost to us. It will not be easy choice to make, but still, I am sure – the king's speech was interrupted by the knock on the door and minute later several guards came in.

- What is it? – Helblindi shouted – I have ordered not to delay the council!

- Yes your grace, we know that, but we can't find the Sorcerer anywhere. He could not leave the palace – the magic bonds are still working at every door, but he had just disappeared.

Helblindi closed his eyes for a moment. – nowhere to be found? – he whispered. –nowhere? – he repeated and stared at door, then at the exact place Loki was standing. The trickster could feel his blood freezing trough his veins. He realized what just happened. Helblindi used his power and put a spell on the door, he knew…

- Loki, I know you are here. Show yourself. – Helblindi said at last.

**coming next - chapter 18 - ,,never surrender,,**


	18. never surrender

**chapter 18 ,,never surrender''**

**soundtrack – placebo – ,,song to say goodbye''**

- Loki, I know you are here. Show yourself. – Helblindi said at last.

Loki could not decide whether or not to show himself. There still was a little chance to get away if he didn't, but how long he could stay in this room, wasting his magic on that? He may need the force to escape. The Sorcerer looked around – there were ten people in the room – Helblindi, who was clearly a skilled warrior, but would not fight unless all other failed – he was a king at last. Býleistr – well, he was too afraid of Loki to fight him tet-a-tet, Hreidmar, who once was Odin's friend, but stepped to the dark side now, just like Loki. The Trickster could assure him with his silver tongue, as well as the Dark Elf – he didn't know Loki in person, but from what he had just heard – the Elf should have been afraid to face him. There were five guards, standing in front of the door. The Trickster knew – his physical force was not enough to stuck them down.

Or he could show himself, agree to the terms and.. damn, there was someone he forgot – Angrboda, the giantess. Maybe Loki left her out the count because he was a giantess? He smiled mentally, recalling Sif and what would she do if she heard that. Anyway, he could easily take his soon-to-be-wife's mind away. But what even if he got to the door? There may be thousand rooms in this palace and thousand warriors. The trickster decided to try to do it the easy way. He made himself visible again.

The reaction at seeing him was various. Býleistr let out a sudden cry, Hreidmar turned his back on Loki in a silly manner - as if that move would make the Asgardian prince forget of his treason. The Dark Elf stayed at his place but he was holding one hand under the table, probably pulling out a dagger or sword of some kind.

Angrboda looked at his ,,spouse'' with great interest, Loki managed to see something like joy and approval in her red eyes. Maybe she liked how the God of Lies looked? Loki smirked.

Helblindi stayed calm, raised the hand to stop the guard from capturing Loki. – no, not yet. Stay where you are and don't let him pass. Loki, come, sit here – he pointed at the nearby seat – Býleistr's seat.

That was supposed to be a honor, but the Trickster had no desire to sit near his ,,brother'' now – the was aware how fast the Jotun king was in striking with a dagger or… maybe something else, despite he said he had no intention of killing him, at last not yet. So he made no move.

- Just tell me what are you going to do, dear sibling – Loki said in a cold voice – what is your plan now, when I know the truth?

- My plans have not changed a bit – I still offer you to marry and..

- And what? Produce a heir so you could kill me easily, without doubt? What if I chose to go to Asgard, as a prisoner? Will you grant me that?

- Now you know – I can't – Helblindi choked at his own words. – but why chose that? Why made it the hard way, through pain and prison cell? And tell me, brother, what difference does it make to you – prison cell is a prison cell, execution is an execution – Asgard, Jotunheim – what is the difference?

Loki felt pain inside his chest. Yes, really, what was the difference? But staying now, giving everything up, really stepping on a Jotun side, forgetting about Asgard, his family, his brother, it was unbearable. ,,_they are not your family, not any longer_'' the voice inside his head whispered ,,_you gave up on them, they gave up on you. You killed Thor, he is not awaiting there, in the golden palace. He is lost, forever, accept what you have, rule the realm you were born to rule. The choice is easy enough to make._'' But he could not. There was Frigga, who still believed in his son, she was waiting for Loki's return, the trickster was sure of it ,,_is she?_ '' the voice hissed _,,is she? Will your mother still love you, when she finds out what you did to your brother? That you are a murderer and a traitor?_''

Loki stared in Helblindi's eyes – they were cold, flashing bloody red color. He was a monster. They all were. This so called king, his useless brother, Hreidmar who claimed friendship to Odin thousand times and still betrayed. All of them. Including himself. He was more then realistic – once they get what they want, there will be nothing for him – only death. Death in a foreign land, as a broken warrior, dishonored, let down, sharing his life with these creatures.

There were times, when this hall was famous, glorious, even more people used to come here then to Odin's hall – during the Ice War and previous years. There were times, when Jotunheim had a ruler, worth it's title, a man of honor. Everything had changed – the king died on the battlefield, Asgard dominated other realms, made them kneel, surrender. Wherever people live, they surrender – they break their vows and it breaks them. Firstly in his whole like, the Trickster could tell what was his Jotun side all about - yes, shame maybe, blue blood, cold skin, red eyes, but not unworthiness – there were warriors who once had made Jotun's name honorable to bear and if he was afraid to wear his own face – he was worthless – he had betrayed both sides of himself – and Loki had realized that at last.

The Sorcerer closed his eyes. He made up his mind. Suddenly, more ,,Lokis'' appeared in the room. Duplicates, they were, of course, but it was quite hard to define which one of them was real. In fact, it was impossible. Helblindi rushed up from the throne, yelling at the guards to catch Loki, but every figure they were touching showed itself to be fake.

In the meantime, Loki made himself invisible again and let one of his ,,reflections'' run through the door. Silly guards have fallen for that, they opened the door and rushed outside, but Helblindi was not the one to be fooled that easily; ,,shut the door you idiots!'' he yelled and put the spell against the door but it was too late – Loki had already left the room, running towards the stairs. ,,where should I go?'' he thought. All doors were under control, he could not pass through them. ,,balcony? Roof?'' the open space was needed. He run up the stairs, which seemed to be endless and to the highest tower of the palace. He burst the door wide open and at last, there it was – open space. He was standing on the balcony, with the dark sky above him.

The trickster closed his eyes, took a minute to catch his breath, concentrating. Slowly, he made the most cherished thing – his security, his privacy fade. He heard the familiar voice at last, took a deep breath one more time and looked down the at the surroundings – Loki knew, he was probably never ever coming back again.

- Heimdall, do you hear me? – the Sorcerer whispered, but he know he was heard – Open the gates!

Helblindi was still not sure of where to look the trickster when he saw the bright light over the highest tower. He let out the desperate scream – the Jotun king knew – the worst had happened – Loki called the Watcher to open the Bifrost for him. The God of Lies was gone.

There was no hope left. Only war, not for life, but for death.

**coming next - chapter 19 ,,how can I tell you'' **


	19. how can i tell you?

**chapter 19 - How can I tell you**

**the soundtrack is ,,what have you done'' by Within Temptation**

**sorry that i made you wait for this chapter, but it was worth, i swear. i would like to thank you for reviews, positive feedback is what keeps this story on.**

**enjoy :) **

First thing Loki felt after the arrival, was a dull headache and cold metal surface he was lying on. It was strange – did he fall and stuck his head on the observatory floor? But he had never been damaged while traveling through the Rainbow Bridge – such thing was impossible – the Watcher's magic was strong enough to control the path, he could never let Asgard's guest get hurt, either he did not listen to them, asking to open the bridge, or if he did, he made sure they were safe.

Maybe he was not in Asgard at all? But he saw the light with his own eyes, it was not possible for any living soul to create such illusion, no one except.. Thanos. This thought made Loki's whole body shiver with fear. No, please, no. not Thanos, the the Chitauri~ anything, but not that! Even Heldblindi's wicked schemes were better, even dishonoring in front of Aesir and executing was nothing compared to the suffer he experienced while being with Chitauri and he would prefer death to it – in it's every possible way.

The sorcerer tried to get up, he could not – he was not able to move a single part of his body. Panic arose in Loki's mind – he tried to open his eyes and saw the golden floor and two metal boots, familiar armor and then – a face – it was Heimdall.

The trickster sighed in relief, but doubted in his sight after a minute – if he was in Asgard, why he could not get up? Maybe they had put some kind of spell on him as fast s he arrived? This version seemed truthful, but for what? He came here by his own will, did he not? It had to be interpreted as the act of peace. Of course Loki knew, he was not going to be welcomed back here, but such treatment exceeded even his worst expectations.

Someone's rough hands picked him up from the floor and Loki was two guards, holding him. 10 or 12 others created a live circle around them. So, as it seemed, he was a prisoner. Great, just great! What now? A trial? The was probably taken to the throne hall right now, to face Odin the All-father's judgement, dishonored, pulled on a chain, like a dog. His magic was not working and he was not able to utter a word. Heh, right, exactly in the All-father's style – he could not let the prisoner say a single word in defense – everything they wanted to know, Heimdall could say. No one was going to stand up for him, not Heimdall, for sure. Maybe Frigga? Mother was Loki's last glimpse of hope – memories about her warmed up the raven-haired man's heart a bit, breathed some courage in his spirit, until he remembered that they knew what he had done to Thor. This thought made Loki feel a terrible pain inside his chest – it was all over, death was the only choice left – despite the fact that he surrendered, showed up, rejected Helblindi's offer, made Ragnarok fade – nothing mattered, he was dragged in the corridor, in chains and proplr were staring at him as if he was some kind of a dangerous animal.

Suddenly Loki's glance met a mirror on the wall – he could not believe what he saw there – the trickster's skin was deep blue, eyes were gashing red, but that was far from the worst part – the sorcerer did not look like himself, even not like his Jotun self, but a read Frost Giant, nothing was left from what he used to see in his reflection – desperate scream stuck in his throat – it was silenced by a muzzle guard had put on him with chains – he could not make a sound.

The doors of the throne room opened and Loki saw the ALL-father sitting on a throne. The guards let him go, pushed him towards the throne. Trickster's body rejected to hold itself and he fell on the floor.

Loki hated everyone and everything in this room – why, why he should be treated this way? Hr knew they would not be able to speak up, defend himself and just wished Odin was going to end this comedy soon – just kill him, let him slip into oblivion, free his tortured soul from this ugly, miserable body.

Odin broke the silence at last.

- Speak up prisoner! Tell us your name! – and ordered guards to take muzzle off of his mount.

Loki smirked and bit his lips. What this new rule was needed for? Was Odin jesting? Every single person in this hall knew who he was – the council members, the guards, even the servants.

Then sudden idea fleshed through his mind – maybe it was not just an illusion – the way he saw himself in the mirror? He thought he was going insane again, like the time he saw Thor in Jotunheim's palace, but maybe, just maybe, he had really changed? The trickster decided to stay silent before the situation was going to be clear for him.

- So you decided not to speak up? – the rage in Odin's voice was more then obvious, - very well, then. I warn you, this is the only chance you get for self-defense, you this opportunity wisely!

- All-father, - Loki started – I would like to speak –up for myself, but I'm afraid that I am hardly aware of what my crimes might be and that fact keeps my mind confused and my mount silent.

- Very well, prisoner. – the sorcerer still was getting over the fact that his actual name has never been uttered – you and your king are accused of taking my son, the heir to Asgard's throne as a prisoner, to use him for you wicked schemes, torturing him in your dungeons and killing him. The watcher saw you as soon as ,y son was dead and forced you into the portal. You're the first, others will share your fate soon enough. Every one will be punished but your death will be first and stand put as a landmark for others to fear – as from now on, Asgard declares war. Jotuns will repay for damage made by him.

Loki was trying to analyse what was just said. He was sure he misheard something. What prison? Dungeons? The torture? Thor was found dead back here, in Asgard, and there was a burial for him. Odin's words.. it was madness/

But then he just realized it was not Thor's death Odin was referring to, it was Loki himself. wait, did Odin really think Loki was dead? This could not be. He could not believe.

This curse on him.. changed appearance, silenced mount, frozen body while arriving – it should be Odin's work – Heimdall held no such magic and even if he had, he would not be acting on his will. It was Odin. He knew it was Loki he was judging for killing ,,himself'' how thoughtful. How pathetic. How clever.

While the sorcerer was trying to handle the information he was given, he heard doors open, turned around and saw her – Frigga, coming towards him. Loki took several steps to greet his mother, without thinking, but the guards pulled the chains and the trickster had to kneel down.

Frigga stared at him for a moment, then her looked stopped at the All-father.

- My king! – Odin stood up, took her hand and escorted her to queen's rightful place, next to the throne. – who is this man?

My dear – Odin spoke up with a soft voice – I am afraid I have bad news for you. – Odin paused and glanced at Loki with cold eye – you have to be strong. Our son, Loki was killed by Jotun king.

Frigga's face went pale and tears started falling from her eyes – no! – she cried out – No! – and covered her face with hands. The sight made Loki die inside. He rushed up from his place without thinking twice – to hug her, comfort her, made her pain go away – but those damned chains..

Several guards were alarmed but his movements, interpreting them as an attempt to attack a royal family – the trickster felt cold sharp metal on his neck - ,,one more move like that and I swear, you are dead, monster!'' one of the guards hissed at him. Loki sighed and pulled down his chained wrists and looked at them – those blue hand reminded him quite well who he was now.

Frigga stared at a prisoner – you want to say something? – she asked.

Loki's hands were shaking terribly, his heart was beating madly, rage inside him burning his body alive. This… this torture.. death would be a great relief. Even being in Thanos' hands would be better. Damn you odin, damn you! How clever of you - punishing me in a worst way possible and avoiding a shame of a murderer in a royal family, keeping your honor, while devastating mine in every possible way. All knowing as always – showing Loki the only thing he would never be ready to see – tears of the only one he still cared for.

Frigga took a step to the prisoner, she was standing face-to-face to Loki now. With two warriors between them, holding up bare swords.

The queen's face was full of rage and pain – do you carry any responsibility in killing my son?

Loki could not bear that, he could not look at her eyes, he was staring at Odin instead - ,,please, kill me, All-father, just kill me please! enough Is enough! I know you hear, please stop this comedy!'' – he was begging silently.

- I ask once more! – Frigga raised her voice. – DID YOU TAKE PART IN TAKING MY SONS LIFE? Or was it just king's order and you have nothing to do with it? – Loki was staring at the floor now. ,_,Oh how clever Odin, how clever! Make her cry for me and make me watch – make me understand what I have lost.'_' – TELL ME! – Frigga shouted at him at slapped him in face.

Loki looked up. A single tear dropped from his eye and slipped down on his check. – yes mo.. my queen – he stated, barely holding himself back.

Frigga looked at him in a strange way – so you confess ?

- Yes.

- Very well. – Odin stood up from the throne – you will be sentenced to death. Guards, take him to dungeons!

Loki looked at her mother to remember her face – her, crying his own death. This was the last thing he saw before the guards make him turn around and dragged him to the door.

**coming next - chapter 20 - ,,no remorse''**


	20. no remorse?

**Chapter 20 – no remorse?**

** hello :) today we are celebrating New Year and 20th chapter of my story :) i wish happy new year to all my readers and would like to thank you for your positive feedback once more ^_^ **

**soundtrack for this chapter is ,,echo'' by Jason Walker**

**enjoy :)**

A week has passed since Loki was put in a dungeon, but this time it was Asgard, not Jotunheim. He had everything he needed; a bed to sleep on, warmth, light, food and drink, but he would rather prefer being at Helblindi's mercy then at Odin's - then he had hope, he knew the Jotun King wanted him for some purpose, he had plans, and what now? There was only option for him – to wait for an end.

The Sorcerer was forced to walk with guards to the town's main square, where all people gathered for important events, discussing and other businesses every midday.

Odin declared a war and Loki could see warriors everywhere; sharpening swords, mastering battle techniques, getting their Armour ready for use. There was constant marching to the city gates and back, guards patrolling everywhere, controlling every path. Sounds of horns and battle songs could be heard all around.

At first two-three days, these daily walks were a torment for Loki – people were mocking and cursing him, throwing random things at him, but now, after one week, he realized he did not really care about that anymore – seeing sunlight and familiar sights became rather enjoyable for him. The trickster could feel his mood changing with every passing day – he was becoming more calm, patient, rage and despair leaving his soul – at last the road got him somewhere, it was the path he truly was born to take. The daily walks were calming him down, even more – he could barely hold back a smile on his lips while overhearing people's talk about the fallen prince – Loki Odinson, who never actually existed became a true source of legends and inspiration of all the warriors around – everyone the trickster heard, was picturing him as a hero, a good son, wise and brave man. He would never believe those thing would be told about him, if did not listen by his own ears – the rumors about Loki suffering and denying to pass the information about Asgard and it's secret paths to Helblindi, how he was taken while his brother was murdered, enemies thinking him to be weak and easily breakable, but he proved himself worth of his title.

But those rumors were not the most surprising thing to the trickster – more unbelievable events were yet ahead.

It was the 7th day of his imprisonment. Loki was sitting in his cell – he just came back from a daily city tour. He was lying on his bed when the door opened. Loki turned around – who could be there? He never had visitors, actually, no one was supposed to care. The trickster could not believe his eyes – it was Lady Sif.

Loki stood up and stared at her, eyes went wide with amazement – did she come here to kill him? To avenge? But he didn't think Sif loved the trickster prince that much, if it came to Thor, such plan would be more realistic..

- I was told you confessed your crimes – Sif said. Loki nodded. Of course he did, but a week has passed, why come here and ask that now? Sif was obviously in rather difficult situation – trying to think of something to keep the conversation on and failing miserably – it was rather enjoyable sight to see. Loki admitted to himself that he had missed her a bit – her anger and quick temper.

They used to be friends in past. Sif was probably the only friend of Thor, who knew, what is felt like not to be perfect, what it felt like not to do what is expected from you, to be different, the odd one – she had to train twice as much as others, but still was considered as a pretty maiden, not a warrior, but she achieved her title, proved herself to be worthy, which Loki could not.

- I was told you witnessed the last day of Loki – Sif started again – is that true?

- Yes.

- And I was told – Sif chocked on these words a little – I heard.. he was imprisoned in Jotunheim's dungeons. What are they like? – her voice seemed to be shaken a bit.

Loki could not believe his ears. Sif came here to ask about ,,his'' last days? Why would she ever care? Loki supposed her to be rather happy –with the trickster prince's death – a he was the one standing between her and her beloved Thor.

- Tell me please – Sif almost begged.

- About the prison ? well, what can I say – dark and cold, hard to bare, not like the one's you got here, at Asgard.

Sif nodded and took steps towards door, leaving Loki confused - that was all? Why did she come? Loki was sure Sif was leaving when she turned around and asked – tell me.. did he suffer? – The sorcerer was shocked at sight – her eyes were shining, watering, Sif was obviously holding back her tears.

- Yes, my lady – Loki stood up approaching her, waiting for a negative reaction – a treat with sword maybe, but she did not move. – please, believe me, my lady, he was happy, It was what he wanted to be his end – redeeming himself, dying for Asgard – the way he was supposed to – the trickster held her hand and was amazed once more to see no disgust at sif's face – she did not tell him to keep away.

- The silence fell. Sif was breathing heavily, tears falling from her eyes. Loki was looking at her trebling hands, trying to think of something to say – you are not like another people here – he said at last – why don't you hate me?

- Why would I ?

- Why would you not? I killed the one you are crying for right now.

Sif put her hand on his shoulder, looking in his eyes – you are not like other Jotuns as well – she stated – there is something strange about you – the way you act in public, the way you seem to regret what you have done. And you look familiar to me somehow. I don't believe you are a murderer.

But I am – Loki said bitterly – believe me, if you could see what I see about myself, you would hate me just as much as I hate myself. I am a monster.

- No you are not, something is wrong about you – something I can not fathom. I've been watching you -The way you walk through the mocking crowd, they way you look at people and buildings – as if you want to say goodbye to them. And your eyes – they are different.

- What is this pathetic monologue all about? – Loki asked furious – did the All-father send you? IS THAT why you treat me this way? Like I am a punished child? And what you mean by my eyes are different? They are as bloody red as any other's from my race.

- No they are not – Sif shook her head – they are green.

Loki felt horrible fear – he looked down at his hands becoming pale. Not now! He should not be recognized – at last he was at the end of the road, just a single thought about another trial, another shame, was horrible, he took several steps backwards. – get out – he whispered.

- Who are you?

- Get out! – he yelled at her, panic arose in his mind at the sight of his hand becoming more and more white and Loki took a desperate step – crushed her at the wall to make her scream.

- His plan worked – several guards rushed into a room to make sure Sif was safe. One of them hit Loki so hard that the trickster lose his track and stuck his head at the metal construction of the table, before hitting the floor. He could feel hot blood licking down from his head to neck and someone hitting him and then Sifs voice yelling the guards, heard something was said about the queen and the all-father. then his vision blurred and he passed out.

Sif knelled down, looking at the prisoner – why have you done that? – he shouted at the guard once more.

- This creature was trying to hurt you my lady! – answered the guard.

- If I needed help, I could ask for it!- Sif was trembling from rage – I am a skilled warrior, you idiot, don't you think I could defend myself? Go get the healers!

- But, my lady, he is sentenced to death by the ..

- Get the healers, now! Or I swear upon my honor, I will tell the queen how you treat the prisoner!

The guards left sif alone in the cell. She looked down at the prisoners face, which was turning white for some reason.

The first thing Loki felt when he woke up was a terrible headache. The light was so bright in the room it was hurting his eyes. He tried to remember what he had done – Sif came to him and then something happened to his hands and he had to make Sif leave.

The trickster got up and walked to the mirror to check his reflection – his eyes were red once again – everything was all right – he sighed in relief.

- So you knew what does that mean – someone's voice interrupted his thoughts. Loki turned around and looked at sif, sitting on a chair against the wall. damn, how could he not see her before?

- Why are you still here?

- I was worried – Sif answered.

- Stop mocking me – Loki yelled at her – why would you worry? I will be dead soon enough, why won't you leave me alone?

- Why won't you tell me the truth? – Sif asked back.

- What truth?

- You are not who you pretend to be.

- What is that to you? I confessed everything I was asked to, what else does your king demand of me?

- The All-father has nothing to do with this! – Sif stated – I am here on my behalf.

- I have nothing to tell you.

- I know who you are – those words made Loki's blood freeze – was he lying? Jesting? Or did she really.. – I don't know why you do this, did Odin forced you?

- No

- Did he threaten you?

- No

- When why, by Hel, why you make us mourn over you when you are not dead? – Sif screamed out.

Loki closed his eyes. Damn. She knew. Now it would start all over.

- What are you going to do? – he said with tired voice.

- But why… I don't understand – Sif argued.

- Because I have my reasons! Because that is what I deserve! – Loki took step towards her – Sif.. I want you to give me word you will keep this secret! – Sif shook her head. – no! promise me!

- Do you know what happened, after the news of your ,,death'' were spread?

- Shhh… - Loki hissed – keep your voice down! No one should know.

- I don't know what game you are playing – Sif hissed back – but are you aware of the fact that queen has never left her chambers after you were declared dead? It's she who sent me to talk to you! She wanted to know everything about Loki's death and here I come and find you.. that is just madness!

Loki felt like the whole weight of the world was crushing down on his shoulders. Was there no way he could not make his mother suffer? Was he cursed to bring chaos an destruction to everything?

- She will get over it – the trickster said bitterly – she will.

- I care not why you hide, I care not about your death sentence! if she will not get better, I will tell her the truth! – that was the last thing she said before Loki's hands were circled around her neck.

- You won't dare! I warn you, I will kill you!

- Let go of me!

- I will kill you, this I swear! Do you understand me?

- Keep your hands away or I will call the guards! Do you want them to find out who you are? Last time it was me, who saw you motionless, this time, I will make sure I won't be alone!

The trickster's hands dropped down hopelessly. Sif look over her hair and armor and walked to the door.

- I don't know what games you and Odin are playing, Laufeyson, but I will make sure this won't hurt the Queen, trust my word! – these words were the last thing she said before walking out of the cell.

the door closed. Loki threw himself on the bed and closed his eyes. The things were getting worse and worse. Why did Odin delay his punishment that long?

**coming next - chapter 21 - glorious purpose **


	21. glorious purpose

**Chapter 21 ,,glorious purpose''**

**the longest chapter i have ever written. the main soundtrack is ,,illusion'' by VNV nation, but also ,,why'' by Krypteria and ,,ragnarok'' by Tyr**

Sif was puzzled. Three things she knew for sure – firstly, Loki was not dead, he was hiding under the skin of his own ,,murderer'' and was sentenced to death. Secondly, with all the doubts Sif had about the trickster's personality, hurting Frigga was the last thing the god of lies ever wanted and would ever desire to do and finally, Loki had some purpose for hiding. But what glorious purpose should he be following this time to make himself prisoner and put himself to death?

Sif was trying hard to analyse the information. Surely, Loki was not a hero to save someone and sacrifice himself and actually, there was no one to save – in fact, no one was dead, were they? So what was this comedy all about?

Maybe it was Odin who wanted Loki dead? Maybe he threatened Loki? This seemed truthful, but for what? Not to give up the throne? But if he not desired to give the throne up, he could've said so, maybe he wanted to prevent the war? But anyway, he started the war and therefore, Sif was sure, whatever plan the All-father and Loki had (if they had a shared plan at all), it would be for good of Asgard.

She had no answers. Who was she going to address for getting them? Not Loki, he refused to answer, even threatened her and for what? An attempt to save the trickster's life?

Asking Odin was not an option as well – if he found out Sif know, she could easily share Loki's fate. Heimdall was the only candidate, through Sif doubted he was going to tell her something, but on the other hand, telling Heimdall about her knowledge was same as telling to Odin, as long as the watcher was sworn to pass the information to Odin and he was a man of his word.

Sif was still considering this when guards opened the door of her chamber ,,Heimdall demands you presence, Lady Sif''

Lead the way. – said Sif and got up.

* * *

Heimdall was standing at the end of Rainbow bridge, in front of the observatory. He showed her the way inside the building and Sif followed.

I know you found out the truth. – Heimdall said after a minute of silence. Sif nodded. Of course, she guessed that already, only thing she wondered about, what was heimdall going to do about it. – I should warn you, my lady – keep out of this.

What?

- You should not have known.

- If you think I will keep silent as if I know nothing..

- I don't think you will, I advice that you did.

- Why? – Sif shouted – what is this comedy all about? By Hel, what is going on here? Odin knows the truth, does he not? So it was his plan, I should have guessed, he intends to kill Loki, in order not to let him rule? Am I right?

- Partly. – the watcher answered with calm voice.

- What else? But I won't understand why Loki allows, he could have just said..

- He will die either way and you will with him, if you don't stand aside.

- I don't recognize you anymore, Heimdall – Sif said with regret – you are no longer the man I knew - just and wise. Now I see nothing more then Odin's lackey and I am ashamed for you! You know, I never loved Loki, but what you and Odin do to him and to the queen – it is a shameful act! I will not take part in it! Call the guards, tell them to imprison me! I won't stand aside!

- So you will give up on your life and honor for defending Loki?

- Truth, not Loki!

- Loki killed Thor, Sif, your beloved Thor – Heimdall said, almost whispering – that is what keeps him silent.

Sif shook her head – through he never loved the trickster, always doubted him, he would never kill his brother – Loki loved Thor – maybe no one else saw that – not even the watcher but Sif knew – because she was a woman and her eyes were wide open to truth, hidden from others – Loki loved his elder brother since they were children, was always jealous of Sif, the Warriors Three and any other, that were close to the god of thunder.

At first, when the news of the death of Thor were spread and Loki got lost, Sif doubted him to be part of the scheme, but … it could not be.

- I don't believe that!

- Ask Loki – heimdall smiled. – why he would have risked his life otherwise?

Sif had no answer. The things were much more complicated then they seemed.

- The queen.. she knows nothing, right?

- Yes. She knows nothing about Thor's death or Loki's fate and she'd better not find out. Not anyone else. Go now, Sif and am watching you – as fast as you decide to act – to tell someone, or free Loki, Odin will know, he will show you no mercy.

Sif had nothing to say. She turned around and left. Guards followed her.

They game they were playing on Loki was not fair – not even if he killed Thor – not even then. She had to see him, ask him about Thor – it was the last option.

- Lady Sif – the guardian of the dungeons looked at her – what do we owe this honor?

- I have to talk to the prince's murderer.

- Sorry, you are not allowed.

- Not allowed? But I was here just a few hour ago.

- The All-father's orders. He demanded that the prisoner stays alone till the punishment.

- And when is that?

- As fast as all the warriors are ready to march on Jotunheim, which is tomorrow.

Sif nodded. Probably it was Heimdall. He knew and cut this last way for her, but he himself suggested her to talk to a prisoner. Maybe Odin could not risk reveal of Loki's true identity?

* * *

The door opened. Loki could not be more amazed – Odin himself was standing there.

- All-father?

- Loki – Odin looked at him – I want to discuss some things with you.

The trickster stood up. – very good. I have some things to say as well. Odin nodded silently.

- Loki, I want you to know – despite everything wrong you had done, I still consider you as my son. i've been watching you – the way you spent your last days impressed me and for that, I grant you a warrior's death. You will be beheaded tomorrow, at dawn. After that, our forces will march on Jotunheim.

- All father – the trickster started – if I may ask.. did you know the truth about my birthright? When you took me as a child.

Odin closed his eyes. – who told you that?

- About Jotun magic bond?

- Yes.

- During my visit to Jotunheim, I acquired lots of knowledge – Loki smiled bitterly. – some even I would not like to get at all. I know about my magic's true nature, Laufey, everything. I asked you this question before, but never got an answer, I can guess why you did not want me to know, but now, I ask this question over. what was your true intention? – Loki could not escape memories while asking this. ,,_no more then a stole relic'' you're nothing. _He tried to keep his face calm, but was sure Odin would notice his emotions anyway. The all-father was at last going to admit to him – he was worth nothing. Just a Jotun runt, kept alive for political purposes, dying for the same reasons.

- True intention? – Odin asked back. – I said that before – I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day. Bring about an alliance. Bring about permanent peace, through you. it's your fault and your's only that my plans no longer matter - you could have lead my army in Jotunheim, if not your foolish attempt to destroy it. – Odin raised his voice, waiting for some reaction from Loki, but the trickster just stared at the blank wall, trying to hold back tears.

There was an awkward silence between these two for several minutes, before Odin broke it.

- I can't just make you king after you have wronged, Loki. I would never consider that Thor would fall for your tricks so easily, I thought him to be worthy, but I was wrong, with both of you. Once I wanted to have two sons – one as a ruler of Asgard and the other – the king of Jotunheim, until they both betrayed me by their actions!

Loki blinked, confused – he himself have done many things to deserve Odin's wrath, but Thor? Perfect Thor? What was wrong with..

And then he realized it and Loki looked at Odin with utter horror on his face.

- You knew – the trickster whispered – you knew about our relationship. Is that why you hated me? – Loki could not sit still, he needed to break something, let out his magic, unleash emotions. – you thought .. you thought it was me? Who lead your perfect prince in that pervercy? You thought I seduced him? – the trickster laughed – oh it all makes sense now! Let me break the wall you were so determined to build before your eyes, you should know the truth!

I never wanted this, I fought him, I tried – Loki's whole body was shaking – despite that I loved him, I knew what should not be, I did not want to stand in his way to his throne, I never desired to bring such shame upon his name! you really assumed.. that I .. I .. – the trickster shook his head – wanted to.. – he stopped for several seconds to catch his breath- And you knew I killed him?

- Not until you returned, no. but that does not really matter – this plan would come true anyway – but otherwise – you would be silenced by your pervercy towards your brother then.

- You are a clever man – Loki said honestly – much clever then anyone I ever knew. But with all your ability to plan – there is something you can't see.

- And what it that?

- You are wrong to think fear is what keeps me silent – guilt is. I never wanted to bring such shame upon the ones I loved. It's a good deal – to exchange my life with mother's love towards me. She would never allow you to kill me, will she? But I am afraid she will be aware of it anyway if you don't do something now – Sif.. – Odin nodded. – you know that?

- Of course I do. She will stay silent, don't worry.

- What about Ragnarok? – Loki was almost pleased to see Odin's face turned white. – yes, tell me the truth you are hiding! What about my so called sons? Are they real? Sleipnir – I know he exists, don't try to hide ! tell me, why I never heard those tales? Should they be real?

Odin kept silence.

- TELL ME! – loki screamed, no longer able to control his emotions. – are they real?

- Yes. There were many thing that happened to you, Loki, but you are not aware of them.

- What does that.. – the trickster looked hopelessly confused – I am not aware? I don't remember? Wait you don't mean that… you made me forget?

- I did so for your own good.

- Oh please! – Loki was just to furious to hide it – you made me forget part of my life, hide it away and want me to thank you for that? Did I really gave birth to a.. – the trickster was not sure he wanted to hear an answer, but he had to – at the end of his road, the at last wanted to know the truth.

- You mean Sleipnir? No, you did not.

- Stop lying to me!

- I speak the truth. I thought I could hide you away from it, but I was wrong – you went to a different way, you found a way to destroy everything – Rainbow bridge, Midgard, your brother. I should have left you to die there, Jotun runt! – Odin yelled at him.

Loki stared, eyes wide with shock, tears leaking down to his cheeks. He could not utter a word. How he hoped Odin could be merciful at last at the end of his road, how wrong he was, how naive.

There was silence again. Odin walked towards the door, he was intending to leave and the last thing Loki heard from him was a curse.

The trickster leaned against the wall and stared at the man who once was his father. He wanted to prove himself worthy to this man, he put aside his true self, always kept doing what he was supposed to do. Even now, while his hours were counted, he still lived under the skin of another, not to take down the name of Odin and Loki Odinson – who was nothing but a mere illusion.

- All-father – Loki said at last gaining control over himself once more. – all those games with my identity - at first I thought is was for dishonoring me, but I have changed my mind later; this plan of yours deals with everything just perfectly – you know I killed Thor and I deserve this, but the shame of a murderer in a royal family was too much to risk for my punishment. the way you found – it made me seen things differently –I have to admit.

I was just amazed – it seems that lots of people still have faith in me, faith my own family never had. I know that now and apart from that, you kept mother from the pain of seeing me as unworthy son, as a murderer. That was the last thing I would ever desire.

I don't know for what purpose you made me spend my last days this way. In fact, I doubt you meant to bring a peace of mind to me, but in fact, that's what you did.

For that I thank you.

Odin left the cell without other word. He never looked at Loki.

* * *

The night was long and sleepless for most of the palace – Sif could not help but walk to and fro in her room, trying to make up her mind.. to tell or not to tell.. memories of her childhood, Loki and Thor in it, it was so simpler back then – just a childish competition and jealousy, a race for the thunderer's heart, which she, despite all the privileges, had lost and Loki.. who loved his brother, but still betrayed. Sif could not understand how it was possible, her mind refused to believe it but if Loki wanted to let her stood up for him, he could have said, damn, he could have spoken for himself at last, but he did not, there was nothing for her to do.

Sif could not make up his mind on what to do. Tell Frigga? But it was not wise to break queen and king apart when the realm was on the edge of war. It was treason and even Odin did something that seemed wrong to her, she could not break her oath as a warrior. Sudden memory flooded her mind, of the days when Thor was banished.

_- We all know what we have to do. – Sif said, still not sure of what could come of it._

_- We must go. We must find Thor.- Hogun stated. _

_Fandral rushed up from the place he was sitting; - it's a treason!_

_- To hell with treason. It's suicide. – added Volstag. _

_Sif remembered clearly what she said after ,, Thor would do the same for us.''_

Those days seemed much happier to her now. Despite their dearest friend banished, despite that Loki was on the throne and Asgard was on the brink of war, she never doubted the right side, she knew what she had to choose.

Sif could not bare sitting in her chamber more, but there was nowhere to go. She walked to the balcony to breath in some fresh air.

_,, Thor would do the same for us.'' _

_,, it's a treason!''_

She covered her face with hand, but can't keep wondering ,,would Loki do the same?'' Sif was not sure she ever knew the Trickster, but of two things she was certain; Loki would do the same for Thor, he would do anything and Thor, despite all sins of his brother, would not let this happen. Sif could not get over the idea that by staying silent she was failing Thor. The thunder god would never let something like this turn upon his brother.

But Sif was not Thor, and Loki was not Thor – thunderer would not kill someone in such way. Suddenly the realization dawned on her; she knew nothing about the circumstance of Thor's death, Loki's journey, what he had been through and why. Why he ever came back? Was he forced? Sif doubted that. No, he could hide himself well, he showed up because he wanted to, because he had a plan. Loki always had a plan, but this time.. it was different. Sif somehow knew, the trickster was not playing a game this time, he was just giving up on his life.

Sif was shocked realizing that tears were falling down from her eyes – was she really crying for Loki?

* * *

Loki could not sleep as well – he was lying on his bed in a dungeon and thinking – about Thor, Frigga, the days he spent in this palace, those happy days. He hoped to see Thor at the other side – maybe there was still hope left for them, after all. The trickster kept assuring himself in that. He could not let go the last hope he had – after Odin rejected him one last time, Thor's forgiveness was all he had left.

Thor.. the only sun in his life. Loki killed him and for what? To prove himself? To who? Odin? Who never loved him? Odin, who called him a Jotun runt the night before his death? How that man could be so cruel.

Loki tried hard to hold himself, not to cry, but this was useless.

Odin was right,

He was weak, not worth anything, not even Thor's love. He failed everyone whoever loved him, in every possible way.

Maybe, just maybe..

There was hope of seeing Thor again on the other side, beg for forgiveness.

Odin spent his night looking down at Asgard from the window, avoiding Frigga's worried look.

When the first rays of the rising sun hit the windows, Frigga stood up from the bed and put her hand on his husband's shoulder.

My king.. – she said – it's time.

* * *

The guards gave a pair of new clothes to Loki – they were all green – it was probably Odin's work – letting him wear his favorite color.

He was calm while the doors opened in front of him.

Loki walked down the hall and to the stairs. He was going to be executed on the main square, in front of the army and the citizens.

Sif was waiting in a corridor. Loki smiled at her and let the guards lead him away from her.

Before Sif thought of something to say, there was a familiar voice that came from behind her;

-Sif dear!

- my queen? - Sif turned around and faced Frigga.

- follow me! I need to talk to you.

Frigga opened the door to her chambers, asked the guards to leave. Sif was confused – not sure of what to say. Queen turned towards her.

- Sif, dear. – she began – I know something is wrong with the death of my son. I asked to check upon the details with the prisoner, but you never came back with an answer. Tell, me what happened?

,, I will kill you, this I swear! Do you understand me?'' the voice of the trickster echoed through his mind. He wanted to keep his identity secret, what right did she have to interfere?

- Your grace.. he told me.. that your son died with honor. – Sif chocked on her words.

- Sif – queen's voice was a bit colder then usually - tell me the truth!

- It is what he said, I swear!

- Well, that may be so, but you are hiding something from me, I see that. Is that about Loki?

- I am not hiding anything, your grace!

- Don't lie to me! – Frigga yelled at her, it was so unlike the queen – she always had total control over herself – just like Loki. Maybe they had a connection – Sif remembered Loki's voice, his mad face when she threatened him about his mother – they both were losing control in this case.

I speak the truth! – Sif avoided her face from queen.

- Sif, are you afraid of Heimdall? If it is what bothers you, he can't see us right now, I have my way of protection from outer looks.

Sif's jaw dropped – she never considered this option before.

- Sif – Frigga looked in her eyes – I don't believe Loki is dead. I know Odin is hiding something from me. I am mother, I can feel it – my son still lives, I am sure of it. Do you know where is he?

At the exact time, there was a knock on the door and guards came in, accompanying one of the royal council members.

My queen! – the Lord bowed his head – you need to attend the execution.

Frigga looked down at Sif, then at the Lord, nodded slowly, sighed and followed them.

Sif swallowed bitter tears.

It was the end.

She failed Thor,

She failed Loki,

She failed the Queen;s trust as well.

It was over.

* * *

Loki stood proud in front of the mocking crowd. The sleepless night could be seen in his blank stare and dull eyes.

Odin and Frigga were sitting at their seats, on the opposite side to the altar, a bit far away. Council members and other royal people were standing behind them.

The trickster had to walk up several stairs to the altar where the executioner was.

Stairs seemed endless.

He could make it.

Loki was barely holding on his feet, trying to die as a warrior.

There it was, the altar. The sorcerer smiled at the thought of finding peace.

The executioner made him kneel before the altar.

Loki rested his head on the metal surface and looked at Frigga, whose eyes were watching him carefully.

Loki just noticed a free chair next to her – his heart was split in two – his helmet with horns was set there, on a green silk. Another empty chair by Odin's side had to be..

There it was – Mjolnir was set there.

That was the last thing he saw before closed his eyes.

The executioner raised an ax.

Sif was shaking, she could not stand on her feet while watching Loki walking towards his death.

At the moment, when the younger prince rested his head against the altar, the realization dawned on her;

After a second Loki would be dead and the illusion would fade away, just like the moment he was motionless.

Loki probably did not know that, he would have not paid much attention to that.

Was Odin aware of the mistake in his scheme? May he prevent that?

Sif rushed forward to stop that, but it was too late – Odin gave a sign and the executioner raised down his weapon.

Sif screamed at the top of her lungs – the head fall on the altar and it should be brought to kind and queen and rest under their feet.

Sif stared in horror while the executioner passed her with a head on a silver plate.

She could not stop staring at the empty eyes.

The emerald green eyes.

* * *

**sorry guys, don't kill me for that. **

**but the story is not yet over. so share your thoughts in reviews.**

**i have not yet decided what to call next chapter, but i know exactly what i will be about, so i will update soon :)**


	22. Fairy tales

**Chapter 22 – fairy tales**

**soundtrack is ,,in my arms'' by Plumb**

* * *

Loki was drawn in total darkness. There was nowhere to go.

Well, at last pain went away and there was no sign of Thor anywhere – the Trickster opened his eyes and looked around – Helheim. Fire and flames on the walls and a narrow path, almost lost among Black, sharp rocks.

Loki went on. Road went on and on, the path became harder to walk on – rocks abusing his bare feet. The sorcerer almost fall several times.

When he thought there would be no end to the road, black gates appeared in front of him, as if out of nowhere, as if the death felt pity towards the tortured trickster. Loki almost laughed about it – pity? In Helheim? He was so drowned in guilt and anger that almost forgot what was the point of being here – he would not assume to feast and laugh and death had no ,,human'' shape to feel anything.

The doors opened for him and he saw a huge hall, that seemed somehow familiar – as he walked through it, Loki realized it was exact copy of Odin's throne hall, but black instead of gold.

The throne was where it should be and a young woman was sitting on it. Her eyes were red, shining in the darkness. Her hair was raven-black, skin – pale as snow. Loki knelled down in front of her – he would not do that if Odin sat there but that woman somehow was associated with her mother in Loki's mind – despite she had absolutely nothing in common with Frigga.

- You Have come to me, at last – the woman said with strange voice. Loki looked at her – there were lots of emotions on her face – grief, pain, regret? What else? The trickster was amazed – how could death have all those feelings. – I've looked forward to this day for so long.

- You have? - emotions on her face changed strangely as Loki asked that simple question.

- Why would I not? – the woman asked back – all my life, in this dark, evil place, I longed for the day to look at my father, to have answers to questions, torturing me all my life – why did you do this to me? If I was nothing to you, you could have just killed me – but instead, you gave up on me, you cast me out, tossed me into nothingness. – tears were shining into Hela's red eyes. – I am nothing, I don't even have a proper name, living a life worse then death – I can't even end my life, as the death itself I am.

Hela stopped speaking to rule over her emotions, or maybe she was waiting for an answer? Loki stood there silent looking at her in shock. Father? Cast out? That made no sense to him.

- Answer me! – Hela screamed at him – am I not even worth of your answer, Trickster?

- I .. – Loki choked those word out barely – have.. no idea.. of what you speak.

- O have you not? – Hela rushed up from a throne, standing in from of the confused Sorcerer – you don't even remember me? – she grabbed Loki's neck – the God of Lies let out a groan – it really hurt. He could not breathe. – you don't remember? – she hissed in Loki's ear – I will refresh your memory then – so that you could know – you are not a slighest bit better parent then the All-father you hate – and pushed him backwards.

Loki fall on the floor. At the same moment, memories flooded his minds – memories, that were his but not actually his…

* * *

_His secret trip to Muspelheim, his imprisonment with fire giants, torture, rape, pain. Desperate screams for help, to Odin, Thor, Heimdall, anyone who could hear, but no one was there, until it was too late – they screwed his lips, not to hear the screams. _

_Then there was darkness, while he was left alone in a pond of his own blood._

_A dark figure appeared out of nowhere and grabbed his face, called his name._

_Heimdall took him to Asgard, to face Odin's justice. After all his suffering, the All-father thought he needed to answer for his crimes, for escaping Asgard, for being silly and adventurous child. He brought a shame on royal family – prince being pregnant. Several images of months after, while he was cast aside once more, with no one by his side and pain, blinding, all-consuming childbirth pain. _

_And then there was darkness. He did not remember anything of that day and through he felt there was a pressure on his memory, the images remained black and empty._

_There was nothing._

- _Loki? – a worried voice of Frigga was calling his name. – Loki don't give up! Loki, open your eyes! It is over, my son! you are a father now. Look at your beautiful daughter. _

_Loki's gaze fall on the new born, crying in Frigga's hands and a small smile appeared on the Trickster's tortured face._

- _Do you want to hold her? – the Queen asked in a warm, soft voice. _

- _The doors burst open before Loki could answer – Odin with guards was standing there._

- _Take her! – he ordered to the guards – bring her to me!_

- _Odin! – Frigga screamed desperately while guards tore the girl away from her loving hands – Odin! What are you doing? This is our grandchild!_

- _Grandchild? – Odin roared – I am not intending on keeping this bastard in my family! _

_Loki's vision with blurred with tears. The last thing he saw was the guard shutting doors behind them, taking his daughter away, then everything went black again._

* * *

Loki opened his eyes and looked at the girl, horrified.

- Hela? – he whispered and sat up.

Hela looked at him in utter amazement as well. – you did not know all this? – she asked, her voice trembling. Loki shook his head. – he made you forget me – tears streamed down the girl's cheeks. – I hated you so much for my fate but you..

The God of Lies pulled her into his embrace. Hera wrapped her hands around Loki's shoulders, sobbing in his chest. The sight filled the Trickster's heart with rage towards Odin – he betrayed him once more, took his daughter away even before he could hold her. All his life has been a lie, an illusion.

- Father – Hela whispered – I'm so sorry.

- No, dear – Loki slide his fingers down on her raven-colored hair – I am sorry, for forgetting you. You had every right to hate me, I was a terrible father. If I only knew.. – sudden thought came to his mind – Hela please – Loki begged – please.. tell me – the Trickster knew, the answer would tear his heart apart. – did anyone else.. knew? Did they hide it from me? – Loki's eyes were burning with rage.

- If you mean Thor, he did not – Hela answered, calming down slowly. He knew nothing. Odin sent him away while.. – she could not finish.

Loki sighed in relief, but then doubted – Hela, please, don't lie to me - can you say that for sure? Did you check his memory?

Hela nodded – yes, I have to – to every person that comes here – he was sent away during the whole time, he had no idea.

- And – Loki's voice gave up once again – Frigga? I saw her, she knew, why did she not tell me..

- Is not that simple? – the girl smiled – she loved you Loki, she kept the truth from you so that you could be happy and safe – there was nothing you could do if you knew – only the All-father can take me to the land of living and he would not do that, you know that as well as i.

- But I could.. at last see you.. – Loki looked in her eyes – she was so much like him – betrayed, forgotten, lonely, broken, wearing a mask of evil and heartless creature.

- Yes – Hela nodded – you would seek me, seek death.. don't you understand?

Loki understood. Frigga meant to save him from misery. He had to be thankful – he could not hate her mother, not under any circumstances.

- But you are here – the girl seemed so happy – at last you are here.

- Yes, my daughter – Loki said – I will never leave you again.

Hela hide her face beneath er her hands and leaned onto the Trickster's chest.

- Father? – she said after several minutes of silence.

- Yes?

- I need to tell you something. I need your help.

* * *

**sorry guys i made you wait for an update almost 10 days :D**

**so, our fanfic slowly goes towards the ending :) but there are lots of stuff yet to come :) i will update as soon as i can**


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